It wouldn’t be a new fashion season without a new ker-ayzy fashion trend to quake in our boots at the sight of. For me, S/S’s most ridiculous trend has to be Prada’s geisha-inspired flatforms, complete with metallic sock and floral detail. I mean, I CAN’T EVEN:
It’s not just the sheer unwearability that gets me (although there is that); it’s the fact that, quite aside from the fact that you’d be laughed out of Tesco in these babies, they look ridiculous. They don’t in any way, shape or form, look good. I’m on board with the oriental vibe for S/S – kimono shaped dresses are really flattering, after all – but these shoes . . . just no.
So, with Prada’s shoe’n'sock combo for S/S 2013 as my starting-out point, here is a non-exhaustive list of the trends I wish had never appeared on catwalks – and that I wish would just disappear, never to return.
This particular trend we can absolutely, 100 per cent blame on Herve Leger, the man who invented the bandage dress (which, in case you didn’t know, is still on sale in one iteration or another in Brown Thomas, and will set you back at least €1,600). I remember when they first came out – there was something kitschy and almost ironic about them. But now? No. It’s all Kardashians, Lohan in her heyday and Victoria’s Secret models. And, you know, tackorama.
Lynnie wrote about this one last year, and I’d be curious to know if she ever did dig that pair out from the back of her wardrobe. Regardless, I hope they’re back where they belong (in Narnia) now – kitten heels had a slight moment last season, but nothing that really caught on in the real world (thank God!). Comfortable they may be, but they’re not particularly flattering and who wants to look like their great granny at her first office job circa 1915? No one, that’s who. I may not be able to walk in my stilettos, but I will hobble along in them proudly, so I will.
Denim on denim
Ah, the deplorable double denim . . . this was one that came back with something approaching a vengeance in 2009 and, frighteningly, hasn’t seemed to go away since. And I’ll admit: I have fallen prey to it more than once. There’s something so comfortingly comfortable (and covered-up!) about pairing an oversized man’s denim shirt with a pair of jeans, and fashion bloggers worldwide didn’t help curb my appetite for it by making it look really good (see also: Alexa, above left). It was a difficult day when I realised the truth: double denim is not for the real world, unless you are Britney and Justin. Or, y’know, Alexa, above left.
Peter pan collars
This one might be slightly controversial, because a tonne of you will have hopped on board this bandwagon when it came into town last year – and don’t worry, I was right there with you. For about three seconds, until I realised that peter pan collars just do not suit me. You know what else? They probably don’t suit you – look at Alexa Chung. They don’t even suit her. Look at that poor hungry thing on the right; they don’t suit her either. Both women – and they are woman, lest you be confused – look like children or, at best, woman-like dolls. If I wanted to dress up as a child or a doll (or both), I would do so in the privacy of my own home, away from prying, judging eyes.
There are probably tonnes more trends I fairly hate – Uggs (she says, wearing Uggs), harem pants, tracksuit bottoms with heels, Movember (as a trend, not as a charity – can we please stop printing moustaches on everything now?) – but those are my most hated. What are yours? Anything you’re dying to never see on a high street near you ever again?