This year’s Kardashian Christmas Card (or should that be Khristmas Kard?) has finally been unleashed on the world and it’s a thing of glossy, demented beauty.
It features a post-apocalyptic scene that looks like Vegas laid to waste by the Kardashian Kollective, with Bruce Jenner trapped in a glass tube, because why the hell not, accompanied by a backdrop of Illuminati symbols and pictures of Kim’s lovely face.
It makes little to no sense but it’s a lot of fun to look at, so in a way it actually suits them perfectly.
However, when it comes to memorable Christmas portraits, Kim & Ko. have absolutely nothing on the denizens of Awkward Family Photos.
Shall we take a look?
Ah, the onesie. While it’s undoubtedly cute and perfectly acceptable for a baby to wear one in a studio portrait, for the parents it’s…not so much. Even the baby’s sassy pose isn’t enough to rescue this photo.
There are few things funnier than pictures of children looking terrified while sitting on Santa’s lap. This might make me a terrible person, but that’s just the truth of it. Also, in fairness, that’s a pretty amazing Santa. Look at his lovely, real, snowy-white beard and truly jolly face! What does this kid WANT?
This Santa however, is the stuff of nightmares. It’s fine, I wasn’t planning on ever sleeping again anyway.
On one hand, kudos to this lady for scoring herself a much younger man. And hey, who DOESN’T have a saucy Santa dress lying around at home? But is your family Christmas portrait really the time to bust out the skintight PVC sex-clothes and garter? Really?
The couple in the next picture look so utterly delighted with themselves, I almost don’t want to make fun of them. Almost. In fact, I’ve just remembered that I Photoshopped mine and the Bear’s heads onto theirs a few years ago and stuck it on Facebook for the craic, but there’s just no beating the excitement on that guy’s face.
I think this particular photo wins the title of Most Awkward Family Photo Of All Time. Nicely decorated Christmas tree in the background? Check! Smiling daughters in matching festive pyjamas? Check! Parents also in matching pyjamas? Che…… OH WHY GOD WHY.
And finally, a little girl who knows exactly what the true meaning of Christmas is.
And that’s pinning your siblings to the ground with your hand on their face, while you take their presents as they helplessly flail around on the carpet. God bless us, every one!
Have you ever done the family Christmas card thing? And what do you think of the Kardashian effort this year? To the comments!