You know you’re too old to fancy Justin Bieber when you can say that you’ve been to three Destiny’s Child concerts – and they were all before the great reformation of 2013. (The fact that they took place in the then-Point Theatre only adds to the sting!) This year, the threesome will reunite for an album and single, Nuclear, as well as that Super Bowl performance. But whatever about all of this news, I care only for the Destiny’s Child of yore, and a quick look back at their back catalogue of sartorial hits (and, mostly, misses) reveals a lot of truths: matching outfits are nobody’s friend, belly tops are tacky, and a nose job can really transform a person. And, oh yeah, Tina Knowles? Not the world’s best fashion designer.
Check out the original Destiny’s Child four in this pic from fanpop.com; the girls were obviously really making their fabric investments work for them, by using this camo fabric in skirts, shorts, trousers and tops . . . smart, recessionista chic, wha’?
Of course, it wasn’t just camo that got the all-over treatment; here we see the gals going for the glitz in, um, purple pleather. Delightful.
Obviously Tina got a two for one.
Or maybe a three for two, by throwing some black leather into the mix. As the years went by, the gals got sleeker in more ways than one – I’m kind of enjoying this Western-themed bondage gear, but it wouldn’t be to anyone’s taste. (Loving the Buffy-esque crosses!)
On the upside, turquoise and coral look great together. Downside? Kelly’s hair.
Revisiting camouflage now, but look how cute and young they look! Also: army boots! Amazing. (Poor Michelle.)
This may have been the awards show Tina took off, and said, “hey girls, you wear whatever y’all want to this show”. She never tried that one again. (Love random photobomber in the background.)
More Tina Knowles magic. Check out those lace-up shorts (remember those?)! Beyoncé’s abs are truly on the way to glorydom here, but her face still has a bit of a snarl going on. (What?! Tyra would totes say the same.)
Class of 2001: most likely to succeed.
Sadly, this photograph is from 2010, and not some dodgy photofit idea of what 2030 will look like. Can we say hallo, soccer moms? If this is Destiny’s Child’s future, I’d like to go back to camouflage, thanks . . . Do you have any favourites? And more importantly, what’s your favourite DC song? I’m quite partial to Bug a Boo myself.