ICK! Gross! Yellow! Americans hating on Michael Fassbender’s teeth

By Aisling | April 18 2012 | 49 Comments

Michael Fassbender has a fault apparently.  His teeth.  He doesn’t have teeth that you can see from space.  They’re yellow!  And the bottom teeth are crooked! And he shows them all when he smiles!  And he’s ridiculously toothy! Like a shark!  And it’s making America FEEL SICK.

The teeth have sparked mass Yank revulsion and hilarity.  They’re all “ick!” and “gross!” while simultaneously struggling with conflicting desire for the rest of him.  Shark Teeth Fassbender has inspired  blogs and tumblr sites  devoted to this single topic – taking the piss out of his smile.

Fassteeth is a perfect example of the genre   Braces were never an option reads the tagline of this tumblr which takes the mick out of the teeth in every way possible.  “Run by two morons. we have no idea for how long people will actually find michael fassbender’s teeth hilarious, but we are enjoying the fuck out of ourselves.”  I imagine this pair to be a Beavis and Butthead combo.


Some of their images are actually really funny though I hate to admit it.  Fassbenders smile has been Photoshopped into a variety of unlikely situations in the style of Angelina’s leg.

Commentary on many American blogs and gossip sites centres on the gorgeousness of Fassbender , but you’ll usually see a comment about the bloomin teeth popping up.

By Irish standards they’re grand teeth, even though they could do with a blast of a Whitestrip.  And you know what I think?  Hollywood smiles are not real smiles.  They’re smirks that don’t reach the eyes.  That kind of plastic half smile that doesn’t affect the upper half of the face is what Americans are used to from their movie stars.  When Fassbender smiles he really smiles.  He laughs.

He’s having the bleedin craic roigh’?  And that big smile is laughing him all the way to the bank haterz.  LOL on that one.

Leave his feckin teeth alone.  And another thing America.  I WISH you’d stop calling him “Fassy”.  Fassy!  Jesus wept.  It’s as bad as St Patty’s Day


Dentistry & Teeth , , ,

49 Replies to "ICK! Gross! Yellow! Americans hating on Michael Fassbender’s teeth"

  • joanne says:

    I think his teeth are grand out! hate whiter than white teeth anyway

  • I think his gnashers are gorgeous! Yes, they could do with a scrub (you dirty birdy, Mick) but his smile is genuine and, as you say, a rarity in Hollywood.

    For the love of all things holy, Michael, do NOT replace your pearlys with a set of Mr Ed, illuminous chompers as is the fash in the States (and ever more increasingly here).

    I reckon in the not too distant future Coroner’s won’t be able to identify people by dental records. There could be planes full of folk with piano key filled heads going unidentified for want of a bit of dental diversity.

  • Christina says:

    Sure, Fassbender could do with a spot of tooth whitening, but I actually don’t think his teeth are all that yellow. It’s just that, by permatanned Hollywood standards, he’s rather pale, and teeth tend to look yellower when they’re contrasted against white rather than dark skin. I bet if he were to go all Hollywood and get a deep tan, his teeth would look quite white by contrast!

  • coco says:

    i cant in a million years imagine setting up a blog to completely rip the piss out of someone. What a pair of dopes… His teeth are grand, leave him alone!!! great post aisling

  • Adeline says:

    Jaysus, what will people ever make up to comment on somebody’s appearance! A couple of not-drawn-by-Leonardo teeth is what takes physical appearance from perfect but boring, to charming/sexy as hell imo.

    Makes me just as angry as those nasty articles who focus on Kirsten Dunst’s smile. Also, Fassbender may not have Ross’ teeth (http://images2.fanpop.com/images/photos/2900000/TOW-Ross-Teeth-6-08-friends-2946378-780-596.jpg), but good on him if he’d rather not swallow chemicals. His choice, and last time I checked teeth didn’t affect one’s ability to be a bloody talented actor.

  • Carol Conway says:

    Fe*k ‘em and their body image problems and low self esteem! As me mammy always said ‘if we all looked the same,life would be very boring!’ :P

  • Sarah says:

    I never got the angie’s leg thing, now this? Seems like people are running out of intellignet things to focus on judging by these blogs popping up everywhere…

  • Lisa says:

    There is a woman in work who has had her teeth whitened/veneered to a sort of neon bluey-white with PERFECT EVEN SHININESS (actually suspect they’re veneers because her teeth are also mysteriously ALL THE SAME SIZE) and they are ACTUALLY TERRIFYING. Like “JESUS CHRIST WHAT IS THAT HUGE GLOWING THING IN YOUR MOUTH” jump-back terrifying. Much, much more alarming than Fassbender’s teeth (which look perfectly normal to me).

  • dublinistq says:

    Even if he had not teeth at all I still would!!
    What would they make of the rest of our teeth

  • Christina says:

    Fassbender is lucky he’s male. No woman in Hollywood would get away with teeth like that. She would simply HAVE to bleach them if she wanted to get any work in the US of A.

  • Elphaba says:

    Meh americans are obsessed with veneers. I’d rather have my own healthy teeth then fake horse looking tombstones.He could do with a bit of a deep clean though.

  • Polly says:

    Between Photoshop and the compulsory veneers most celebs are sporting these days we’ve lost track of what actually is NORMAL! America – Fassbender has NORMAL teeth!! What are the chances though that he’ll eventually give into the pressure and we’ll see him sporting some sparkling veneers soon…

  • Lisa says:

    I’m American, and I’ll take Michael Fassbender and his teeth any day!

  • Nicola says:

    Huh, Fassbender has teth? I’ve never looked that far up before.

    Also, his teeth are grand! The Americans would definitely not like mine.

    Actually, I was at an American wedding last year and the photographer put all pictures of me in black and white, presumably to cover the YELLOW teeth and RED face. Not that I was complaining.

  • fififinx says:

    Bleaching your teeth, unless done expertly and at great expense, destroys your enamel. It also contributes to the clonification of the world. I’d rather a fella with gnarly gnashers than a fifty year old with falsies (which is the end result of over-bleaching). I like corn on the cob.
    Is it just me or do his teeth look pretty damn white when inserted into the Scream?

  • LightPinkPearl Cherry says:

    Oh for the love of GOD. His teeth are perfectly normal.

    Human bone (and teeth) has a color, and for the most of us it is not off white. That is just the natural color of his teeth.

    And that some of them are not super straight… Well, at least he does not look like he is carrying an architectural momument around in his mouth.


  • Maj says:

    Ah be honest, the ridiculously white white teeth is an american hollywood thing. His teeth look perfectly normal for Europe and he has a great smile

  • le smurf says:

    Does he have teeth?? :)

  • Sugar says:

    What yellow? They look white, not blinding fake white, but natural whitish to me!

  • Julzofwisdom says:

    He has a gorgeous smile! He looks like what Americans think all Irish men look like until they go into any night club and realise he’s the beautiful exception to the apparent minger rule ( small town girl talking, very limited gene pool :(. ) anyway after seeing him on all his ” glory ” in shame who gives a flying fook about his smile!?!?!?

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