The series of Shit Girlfriends Say videos on YouTube has had me in stitches, particularly when I notice phrases that I use cropping up. I totally would hook up with Ryan Gosling if we met in a bar!
I haven’t seen an equal amount of videos poking fun at that stuff fellas come out with however. This is inexplicable really, considering how very often they make statements that make you question whether their brains are being controlled by kittens or gerbils. I’m thinking gerbils, FYI.
My most recent glimpse into the male psyche came just a few weeks ago. I had my back to the door when the boyfriend came in and started chuckling away to himself.
“What’s funny?” I asked, expecting a response along these lines:
“Oh, I’m so elated to be in your company – happiness is pouring out of me in the form of laughter“.
Well I wasn’t actually expecting this to be said… but a girl can dream, can’t she?
What he actually said was this.
When he comes into a room and can’t see my face, it looks like there’s a hobbit in his house.
He did clarify that it isn’t anything to do with the amount of hair on my feet and that I’m a pretty hobbit. That’s something, right?
Bragging about sex
The type of man-speak that provides the most laughs, comes in a box marked “bravado.” Opening it is super easy, just wait for the topic of sex to come up and you’re set. In any group, at any given time, there will be a man who, in just a half hour, has given his partner over six dozen orgasms, each one sounding more 50 Shades Of Grey than the last.
“She couldn’t uncross her eyes for WEEKS, lads, WEEKS!”
When slightly under the weather, they’ll tell you that they feel fine – only they’ll use a tone that suggests they’re on their last legs, punctuating their declaration of good health with booming coughs and grimaces. No illness will ever have been worse in the history of the world.
Priorities in spending
“Twenty euro? For a lipstick!?” He’ll ask increduously, leaning away from his sixty euro game that he’s playing on his bazillion euro games console. At least he takes his time to remove the ridiculously large earphones that cost eighty quid (because they come with a speaker that allows the guy to question their friends sexuality when they lose at shooting things).
So freaky non-compliments, Man Flu moaning, the shit your fella sez – share it!