Guide to Crying in Public: an essential How To

By Karen | November 16 2012 | 26 Comments

CRYING in public. We’ve all done it at some stage (and if you haven’t, you will) and while it’s nothing to be ashamed of it can be mortifying in the extreme.  Now a good cry can be really enjoyable – read this for your tales of the best cries – but sometimes when the tears start to flow, there’s nothing you can do to stop them, regardless of whether you’re on the 46a or sitting at your desk in a roomful of people.

Well fret no more, simply follow our handy tips on How to Cry in Public in Style so that you never get caught looking like this.

Grow your hair long: Never underestimate the benefit of having a fringe and two long wings of hair you can hide behind. When the tears threaten, flip your hair forward and lower your head and voila, you become almost invisible and free to cry in peace. If you don’t have long hair yet, simply stand in a corner facing the wall so only the back of your head is visible and continue as normal.

Don’t scrub at your eyes with a tissue: Big swollen red eyes are the number one indicator that someone’s been crying – or been at the crystal meth – so avoid this by letting the tears flow from your eyes unchecked AFTER tucking a tissue into the neckline of your top to absorb the water. The tears flow freely down your face and neck and are caught by the tissue, a jaunty addition to any wardrobe, and no scrubbing means no red eyes.

Of course you’ll need something to mask the tears flowing down your cheeks so make like Victoria Beckham and wear ginormous sunglasses which hide most of your face. If it’s lashing rain and/or winter time when most people wouldn’t be wearing sunglasses, just press your hand to your temple wincing agonisingly and whisper ‘migraine’ to anyone who asks.

Get on the Luas: If you’re anywhere near a Luas when you feel the tears building, hop on and just have a big old cry, no need to hide anything. Simply situate yourself near the gangs of marauding skangers who haunt the trams day and night and nobody will give you a second glance. Fellow passengers will be studiously avoiding looking anywhere near the skangers – and hence you – so you’ll be free to sob to your heart’s content.

Pretend to be any nationality other than Irish: We’re not great at expressing our emotions, everybody’s ‘grand’ in Ireland even when they’re not so just channel your inner Italian or Brazilian and let it all out. Drop in a few Mama Mias between wails or beat your breast and everyone will just presume you’re from another country and leave you at it.

What’s your failsafe method for crying in public? Do you wear waterproof mascara just in case the urge to blub at a moments notice overtakes you? Share with us in the comments!

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26 Replies to " Guide to Crying in Public: an essential How To"

  • Pixie says:

    I pretend I’m really cold and hide behind my scarf. It’s also great for mopping up the floods of tears. Either that or I mumble something about “trying new contact lenses” or “allergies”. It generally works.

  • daisydaisy says:

    When I’m at work and am reading something online that makes me well up I just say I’m tired and have just yawned!!!

    I’m an awful crier as in I go blotchy and red and can’t catch my breath!!!

  • Shygirl says:

    I’m an awful ugly crier! I just can’t cover it up! Sometimes pretending you’ve got a cold will work for some people but not me.

  • says:

    def the fringe!!! it works wonders!!! :)

  • gemstone898 says:

    Great article. I spent a week in work crying at very inopportune moments a few months ago. Luckily I was sharing an office with just one other person and she was never there… so I just shut the door and let it all out. people just thought I was having a private phone call! when I had “recovered” I freshened my make up and opened the door.

  • sevenseas says:

    Found out some really bad news in public once while on my own (close family member suddenly passed away), had a very long wait for a plane and just sat sobbing in this room full of people. A lovely man came up to me and asked me could he help and was I alright, he sat with me and listened, it really meant a lot. If I saw someone in the same situation now, I would try to help (if they want it!!). You don’t know what people are going through do you, I probably looked like a mad woman at the time

  • Dollface says:

    A timely post for me, am bridesmaid tomorrow at my best friends wedding and just know I’m gonna blub!!!

  • Lol, what a funny article :-) As for crying in public, I try to avoid it at all cost!

  • Shygirl says:

    Sevenseas that was really sweet.

  • Orla says:

    I usually try to avoid it as much as I can because I’m a very ugly cryer. I get a big blotchy face and it’s very hard to hide, esp now that I’ve chopped all my gruaig off! :) If I’m just welling up I’ll use the yawning excuse but otherwise I’ll just have to try and avoid people for a few hours!

    When I was living in Galway I used go for a walk on the prom in Salthill in the rain when I was feeling really down, nobody noticed the tears then as they were trying to avoid the rain!! :)

  • Shygirl says:

    Omigod thats such a good idea walk in the rain while crying! Hide your face with an umbrella

  • cevacah says:

    haha I need this I’m always at it! If you’re outside in autumn/winter you can always put up an umbrella and hide underneath no one will suspect a thing, unless it’s a really nice day, in which case you are just protecting your skin from the suns rays – sorted!

  • LynnieDoll says:

    This happened to me once at an airport. One of my colleagues in work passed away and I was on my way to Glasgow and I just sat there impersonating a waterfall!!! This lovely lady came up to me and consoled me for the whole time until we boarded the plane. Never forgot that! Kindness of strangers.
    Unfortunately there was nothing I could have done to cover up the damage the tears did for hours, but I actually didn’t give a crap.

  • Sevenseas that’s really sweet BUT I have an alternative view on comforting someone who is crying. This post is actually inspired by real life bitter experience where I burst into sobs in a hospital waiting room. A lovely old man got up and gave me a hug to comfort me BUT it made me worse! I sobbed even harder, I just couldn’t cope with the kindness of strangers. He asked me was I ok and I just did a big sob/hiccup/belch DIRECTLY into his face. He jumped about ten feet!

    I even get more upset if my husband comforts m e, I prefer to sob alone!

    So my advice would be to of course comfort an upset person but bear in mind it might increase the snots to tears ratio!

  • Louise says:

    I would hate if a stranger “offered to help” if I was crying in public!

    I once got such a bad haircut the day of my debs – I asked for a trim she gave me the posh bob – that I burst out crying and couldnt stop even on the bus home!

    A nice old lady came up to me and asked was I ok. I was too mortified to say it was over my hair, so I told her it was because my dog died! She was a bit deaf, so I had to say the whole thing really loud, and repeat it over and over, so the whole bus heard. Including one of my neighbours – who knows that I dont even have a dog – and was going to my debs send off that night!

    I’ll never live it down!!!

  • Oh Louise! I’m sorry but I’m HOWLING laughing here. You poor thing! I can just imagine you shouting ‘My. Dog. Died’ at the top of your lungs at the old lady. CRINGE!

    But to make you feel better, I have cried about my hair too so you’re not alone and particularly on the night of your Debs, no wonder!

  • Atkin says:

    Jumping on the Luas is a tough one if you’re not within 100 miles of one! A scarf or pretending to sneeze is a favorite of mine.

  • Shygirl says:

    Yea Louise I know someone else who cried over a bad haircut, and once I nearly cried myself once. Its not a silly thing to cry over, hair is a big deal.

  • LoCo says:

    Well I got some really bad news at dr appt one day, then got on the luas to get back to work. The news started to sink and the tears started to flow, and I cry pure ugly. This junkie came over to me, asked me was I alright I just nodded but then he offered to sell me something that would make me fell better. I burst out laughing, thanked him and said no thanks.

  • Aw LoCo you poor thing. Though that is a cautionary tale alright, there is a risk the skangers will talk to you and try to comfort you if you use the ‘Luas Cry’ method.

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