CRYING in public. We’ve all done it at some stage (and if you haven’t, you will) and while it’s nothing to be ashamed of it can be mortifying in the extreme. Now a good cry can be really enjoyable – read this for your tales of the best cries – but sometimes when the tears start to flow, there’s nothing you can do to stop them, regardless of whether you’re on the 46a or sitting at your desk in a roomful of people.
Well fret no more, simply follow our handy tips on How to Cry in Public in Style so that you never get caught looking like this.
Grow your hair long: Never underestimate the benefit of having a fringe and two long wings of hair you can hide behind. When the tears threaten, flip your hair forward and lower your head and voila, you become almost invisible and free to cry in peace. If you don’t have long hair yet, simply stand in a corner facing the wall so only the back of your head is visible and continue as normal.
Don’t scrub at your eyes with a tissue: Big swollen red eyes are the number one indicator that someone’s been crying – or been at the crystal meth – so avoid this by letting the tears flow from your eyes unchecked AFTER tucking a tissue into the neckline of your top to absorb the water. The tears flow freely down your face and neck and are caught by the tissue, a jaunty addition to any wardrobe, and no scrubbing means no red eyes.
Of course you’ll need something to mask the tears flowing down your cheeks so make like Victoria Beckham and wear ginormous sunglasses which hide most of your face. If it’s lashing rain and/or winter time when most people wouldn’t be wearing sunglasses, just press your hand to your temple wincing agonisingly and whisper ‘migraine’ to anyone who asks.
Get on the Luas: If you’re anywhere near a Luas when you feel the tears building, hop on and just have a big old cry, no need to hide anything. Simply situate yourself near the gangs of marauding skangers who haunt the trams day and night and nobody will give you a second glance. Fellow passengers will be studiously avoiding looking anywhere near the skangers – and hence you – so you’ll be free to sob to your heart’s content.
Pretend to be any nationality other than Irish: We’re not great at expressing our emotions, everybody’s ‘grand’ in Ireland even when they’re not so just channel your inner Italian or Brazilian and let it all out. Drop in a few Mama Mias between wails or beat your breast and everyone will just presume you’re from another country and leave you at it.
What’s your failsafe method for crying in public? Do you wear waterproof mascara just in case the urge to blub at a moments notice overtakes you? Share with us in the comments!