The crystal ball swirled and revealed the coming of a new pop star.
“Wooo woooo” said the spooky spirit voice from the depths of the ball.
“The time has come. You must drink that magical Youth Elixer procured in ancient Egypt, Mystic Meg and be transformed so that your power and influence can continue from this generation into the next. You will become a pop singer and your name shall be Jessie J. Your image will be exactly the same. You can pretend to be feisty and tough in keeping with modern taste – but in reality you will be a bit of a prude. You will be strangely unconvincing and sometimes won’t be arsed to play at festivals: however Amanda Brunker will step in for you.”
“But” quavered Mystic Meg “This all sounds plausible – except for one thing.”
“Amanda Brunker?” answered the voice “Yeah we know, a bit of a gap in the plan, but it was all we could come up with at short notice.”
Mystic Meg sat back in her chair with a gasp, psychic energy coursing through her like a lightning bolt.
“My god!” she thought and busy lighting a fag she missed the next part of the vision. It was only something about phone tapping and the closure of the Sunday newspaper she’d worked on for the 168 years since it had been founded. Nothing to worry about.
And so Mystic Meg began her journey. The magical youth juice transformed her into a creature hundreds of years younger than her previous incarnation and as an added bonus she was able to continue using the same cosmetics, hair dye and clothes she’d always preferred. ”Oh how I love that word vintage” she cackled to herself in barely supressed glee. “I don’t have to bother changing my look.”
The same red lipsticks, the same black eyeshadow, the same pale skin – oh she was in heaven. Or hell. Or whatever.
She filled her videos with hellish scenes, monstrous people, haunted houses and tales of karma.
Mystic Meg and Jessie J are actually the same person. If you don’t believe I will ask you this one question.
Have they ever been seen together? I rest my case.