I just want to lie beside you and other likely stories

By Aisling | April 21 2011 | 68 Comments

No ridin – I swear!

Kittykat told us about her first date yesterday and  she had us all in stiches.

After a hot and heavy goodnight kiss the date tried to persuade her to stay the night in his place.

“I don’t want anything to happen” he lied “I just want to lie beside you.”

“Yeah right” she thought “With no clothes on.”

I don’t think there’s one amongst us who can’t relate to that classic tale.  What lines have you come across in the desperate attempt to get you to stay the night?  From the old chestnut “I just want to wake up with you” and “I just want to hold you all night” to the “I prefer to take things slowly” and “I’ll sleep on the floor beside you”, I bet you’ve got some good stories.

Tell us all!

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68 Replies to "I just want to lie beside you and other likely stories"

  • Kirstie says:

    that made me laugh so much, honestly, men are so silly if they think this stuff is to be believed.

  • Emma says:

    “I want to impress you with my cooking….I make great pancakes” No…McDonalds made the pancakes and they tasted like feet!

  • Venus says:

    So far i don’t have any funny stories of lads trying to get me to stay the night, although i remember walking back to my apartment a few months ago with my friends after a night out, we passed a group of lads and one of them shouted “Will one of ye be my girlfriend so i can bring ya home to my Mammmy so she doesn’t think i’m gay??” We were in stitches!!!!!!!!! :D

  • Avicakes says:

    Ah my boyf was a true gent when we started dating. He wouldn’t try to stay the night, but would arrive first thing in the morning to wake me up for a morning kiss and brekki before work.

  • blondie says:

    hahaha this is cheering me up no end, delighted it inspired a full post.

  • ceci says:

    Ha ha love this post.

    I can’t remember any lines I got, but in college a group of us lived on campus and were at a party in another apartment in our block. I got chatting to a guy and we ended up kissing. We went into his room as it was a bit random kissing in the sitting room with loads of other people there who were just sitting about drinking.

    We were just chatting in his room, (no funny business!), I went to the toilet and came back and he was completely naked spreadeagled on the bed! Clearly he reckoned once I went to his room I was a dead cert! Jesus, I didn’t know where to look. I mumbled something and legged it.

  • Mango says:

    I went on a date with a guy I met at a wedding reception, should have known it was going to be bad when my friend was holding a picture the next day wetting herself laughing saying “look how tight he’s grabbing onto you, you’d think he was tryng to strangle you”. Ok…

    Met up with him and went for drinks to town, and one of the first things he asked me is, wait for it…”Do you pick your nose?”. So I am left just lookuing at him going, “Wha?” Jayzuz. It got progressively worse, he was trying to be all intelligent and intellectual and he says to me “You know what I really don’t like? I don’t like relationships that are (this is how he pronounced it verbatim) paw-lee-game-us…I could help you, and you could help me, you know? I am into mon-ee-game-eee”. I had an expression on my face like Santa’s Little Helper for the entire night.

    After wetting myself several times (and texting my friend to tell her where I was in case I went missing)I had to make my excuses, except he was getting on the same bus home unfortunately. Luckily my stop was before his, so he went all the way but I didn’t. The only good thing was he paid for all my drinks because I needed spirits that night. Wierdest guy I ever met bar none and I’ve met some mentalists.

  • RiRi says:

    Ceci, LOL.

  • blondie says:

    oh my god mango, hilarious! Total freak!

  • Mango says:

    Honest to God. Luckily I have a good, sane ish one now, but every time I’m out with the girls, yes, the really mental ones come up to me. Must be the way I dance or something.

  • witchgirl says:

    Was laughing at the post until I realised that a guy I (briefly) went out with used that line the first night we met….hmmmm. Kittkat – you didn’t meet him in McGowans did you?! He also used the classic of “I just want to hold you” uh-huh sure ya do hun.

    Funniest one I ever had was at my brother’s wedding. His wife’s an accountant so a lot of her friends there were too. I had just started college doing accountancy at the time. One of her friends thought that his best chat up line was “So you’re doing accounting? I’m a qualified accountant”. Almost peed myself at that. My sister ended up pulling me to the dancefloor to help me get away from him. Course I then tripped over the edge of the dancefloor & broke 2 toes.

    Found out the next morning that he’d said to my brother (the one who’d just got married) that he’d met a girl he really liked but needed some hints on chatting her up! My bro ignored him, not realising it was me but was fuming when he found out that he’d been asked to help some guy get off with his baby sis!

  • Typography Queen says:

    i dont really have any stories like these but my friend chatted this guy up in bar by telling him ‘he looks like dylan moran’ He said thanks and they got talking about this and that. It was Paddy’s day so we’d be out early, so he asked her had she been out long she said ‘yea, have you?’ he said “honey i’ve been out drinking since the early eighties!” Like what age was this guy cos he didn’t look that old?

    this worked on her anyway as she went back to his house she rang me from the toilet of his gaff saying her legs were hairy what’ll she do. I told her to use his razor to shave them and give herself a bit of a knac*er wash too! He fell asleep pretty much after the deed but she was cold so tried to put on her clothes without him noticing movement she had her leg out of the bed look for her knickers half the night!! She said his house was freezing, the sex was meh and he was weirdo! she legged it as soon as it was morning!

    Another fella told her during sex, yes that’s right DURING sex that his middle name was like the battery “energizer’ i kid you not! he didn’t last long either. :lol:

  • Grá says:

    Hi everyone long time no comment! I gave up the internet for Lent :) and since it’s finished in a few days I may as well bring myself back to things gently :)

    Where do I start on this topic…. “I just want to cuddle” is a common one. Or “come and have a few drinks with me and some mates” and when we arrived at his he had no mates… quick text and phonecall from a friend got me out of that situation twice. Hmmm, “do you want to come to mine for coffee” was used on me once and he actually did make me coffee. One guy even threw me a houseparty at 4.a.m one night. It was my bday and he was hovering around me all night so since we go for broke on a night out my friends and I went looking for a house party and this guy got wind of it and next thing he had bottles of vodka, whiskey, redbull and a hire-a-crowd all set and he said he did it for my birthday…. all of this to get me to his place! We did go and we had a luagh but no funny business, we set him up with another gal instead :)

    “I want to make sure you get into bed ok”…..

    “I’ll fix that shelf that’s broken in your room now”…. ah what shelf “I’m sure I can fix something in your room”

    “You have short hamstrings let me help you stretch them…. it would be easier for you to stretch on your bedroom floor or on the bed” :D

    “Will you give a hand in choosing what to wear tonight?” (this was before any alcohol consumption was done obviously but he was hot so I obliged ;) )

    Hmmmm nothing else stands out at the minute but if I remember anything else different I’ll post it :)

  • Macloon says:

    It’s a lot worse if you get the “come back to mine, nothing will happen” line, and you do and it doesn’t!!!

    This happened to me with current bf when we first met up a few years ago and I was lying there in the bed gagging but bewildered thinking “jesus am I that much of a dog/is he gay/has he an std” :D

  • Trillian says:

    Ceci – that reminds me of one… In college some lads lived in the flat next to us. I was heading in one morning to say hello when I saw a girl legging it out the door. When I arrived I got chatting to one of the lads who said a girl had just appeared in his bed during the night and they got it on! Another of the lads arrived out looking a bit worse for wear and it soon transpired that the girl had been with him, had gone to the toilet and went back into the wrong room!!! Obviously in the dark she didn’t realise and the campus bedrooms were identical.

    Poor girl – she must have died the next morning when she woke up. Mind you, the guy she ended up with was way cuter than the guy she started with!

  • ams says:

    Typography Queen thats gas re shaving the legs!

    A lot of those lines sound very familiar – I think I had the old “not sex I want to make love to you” line used before – naturally I vommed in his face and legged it.

  • Macloon says:

    ha ha Trillian that’s excellent! Scarleh for her. :)

  • Acat says:

    I went on a date with a guy from an dating web site, he seemed nice. nice smiley pic, good emails. He was a nutter. Didnt smile once. Moaned about work and it was like drawing blood talking to him in the pub before cinema. spent entire film cringing and trying to sit as far away from him as i could. He offered to walk me to my bus.I insisted I was grand. he said he could get the same bus and walk a bit to get home. I said I was fine. He suggested a coffee in his. My bus passed so I went oh I have to go and literally RAN down the street after it. Was so happy to get away. The big queue meant I had to stand in silence as he got closer and closer. Ground swallow me up!
    Other lines are – I live to far away, can I crash on your floor. Followed by my back is sore, can I sleep in your bed. Followed by im really warm- can I take my clothes off? He was back on the floor! he was a friend as well, not impressed!

  • OMG, these are hilarious, hehe. Delighted kittyKat’s story inspired a whole post cos I was still giggling away to myself about it hours later.

    The weirdest thing anyone has ever said to me was after a night out with friends about three/four years ago when my friend’s brother (who was buckled beyond belief at this point,) turned to me and said (and I quote,) ‘Do you fancy a shag, I can turn you straight’. I laughted and walked off leaving him looking bemused. He was full of apologies the next day though and still can’t look me in the eye fully, bless him.

  • gobo says:

    I remember having a house party when i was about 18 and crawling into my bed in a pretty drunk state. One of the guys who came along came in to my room and said he wanted to sleep too. I directed him towards the armchair in the corner with a wave of my arm and a mumble. It was about five minutes before he was climbing into the bed saying he “only wanted to sleep, promise”. I’d say it was another two minutes bfore his hands started wandering and another 5 seconds before i had him turfed out all together. In retrospect that’s pretty gross. He thought, what? I’d be to drunk to say no? Eejit.

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