We’re heading firmly into festival season and every year we impart some words of wisdom for festival goers. While I won’t camp anymore – camping at Electric Picnic in 2007 almost led to divorce – and my festivaling has moved onto events like ATP and Primavera where you get to sleep in BEDS, I am a seasoned veteran of summer music festivals and I actually met Himself at Reading in 1998 (during Earl Brutus, of all bands: RIP Jamie Fry), but that’s a story for another time and place.
So, I picked up a few things over the years. Thanks to my mate Robin, I was inducted into the ways of the winebox pillow (two-in-one!) and earplugs and an eyemask are essentials if you want to get any kip at all. I’m not into anti-bac hand gel any other time, but when you can’t wash yer paws after tussling with foul Portaloos, it becomes an essential.
Bring mouthwash and a 12 pack of crisps (you’ve gotta get some nutrition, eh?) and some small packets of tissues, believe me, after two nights on Punchestown racecourse and looking down the barrel of a smelly third, you’ll be thanking me. On that note, deodorant wipes can be a Godsend too – you can’t bring aerosols into the arena but standing under 40 degree tent canvas does not lend itself to shower-fresh pits.
Beauty-wise, there are a few more smart propositions too. In fact, I’d go so far as to say they’re nearly commandments, passed down from generation to generation and writ large in red lipstick. So, without further ado, here are Beaut.ie’s essential entreaties to get you through that three-dayer you’re heading off to.
Thou shalt use face wipes (but only this once)
Yeah, go on. Buy a bumper pack of baby wipes and you can use ‘em for all sorts of things: taking your makeup off, giving yourself a hoors bath inside your sleeping bag and as they’re a little oily you can use ‘em to shave your legs with too – wipe one down a leg, take a disposable Bic to your pins and there’s enough glide there to shave without friction.
Thou shalt wear dark nail polish
Hides the dirt, innit? This one’s a Cathyfly innovation and it is GENIUS. Keep ‘em short so they don’t attract too much gudge and paint your talons a dark shade before you go: voila, clean-looking hands until you get home and L’Onglex it back off. At that point, prepare to faint in shock at the line of dirt you could grow spuds in.
Thou shalt instant tan
If you’re fake tanned you won’t show the dirt so much. Simple, yet oh-so highly effective.
Thou shalt use longwear products
Yes, if you’re a regular reader you’ll see I’m breaking ALL my rules here. Tan, welded-to-skin longwear products and face wipes are no-nos in my bathroom on a daily basis, but this ain’t daily, so different rules apply. Longwear foundation, shadow, liner and mascara are all your pals because they’re more heat and sweat-proof, and sometimes, bomb-proof. And sure you could even roll into your uncomfortable, cold, sleeping bag with slap intact and just varnish on another layer the next day too, eh? So, what’s good? Long-wear lipstains, waterproof mascara, Mac’s Liquidlast liners (or Gosh’s dupes) are all recommended, and I trialled a few hardy cosmetics during Primavera recently too, which I’d take with me again.
Thou shalt not bother with brushes
C’mon. Get real. Who brings a stash of soon-to-be-trampled-underfoot brushes, crushed as you flail about your tent after 45 pints of foamy beer? Eh, not me. Fingers and a small hand mirror to see where you’re putting it are FINE. It’s only a couple of days after all. In fact, don’t bring anything with you you’d hate to have stolen – cos it could happen.
Thou shalt not give a frig about thy hair
Batiste. A comb. A hairband. A hair bobbin. These things will be your friends. Bringing your GHD on the off-chance you’ll find somewhere to plug it in just means extra stuff to lug. And once you’re there you won’t give a frig, anyway. My advice? Wash it before you go, then feck it up for the rest of the weekend – there’s no way to keep it clean and it’ll start to reek of smoke, burgers and beer in very short order anyway.
Thou shalt bring the factor 50+
You know this one. We beat you over the head with this one every single week on Beaut.ie. But buy some, bring it, and use it. You’ll be outside for most of each day and if the weather continues as it has been, then it’ll be more essential than ever. Looking for reasons why you should be protecting yourself? We’ve got the low-down on that as well as some good products to pack.
What are your festival essentials? Leave ‘em in a comment!