Since the soaps are feckin’ boring at the moment, I started turning my attention to the fashion and maquillage of the cast members instead. Jackie in Hollyoaks is still a gratifyingly terrifying slutty/chavvy combo, Ro-saaaay Webster is still pouting for England and Dot Cotton is firmly attached to her Elnett, as per usual.
A trend began to emerge in my mind. Beauty.
In the dales, the cast of Yorkshire soap Emmerdale don’t seem to be too concerned by matters of fashion and makeup (lets not re-live Terry in his pants, thanks), and closer to home, we won’t even mention Fair City. Peggy’s gone all dowdy in Eastenders since her engagement to that Horrible Man, so who’s scoring top on the (just invented) beaut.ie makeupometer? Which soap spends the most on panstick, fake tan and gloopy gloss? Who’s teased, bouffanted and otherwise hair-cared to the hilt?
Head and shoulders above the rest, the winner is…
Ah gals, it’s Hollyoaks, of course!