Vatkins: Atkins tries to reinvent itself for veggies - it still looks like a heart attack on a plate

The Atkins diet - without the meat.

The Atkins diet with no sausages, no bacon and no steaks - all the things that effectively make up Atkins.

But don't worry vegetarians - because Atkins have now developed Vatkins especially for you. Simply swap all the meat for cheese, eggs and tofu. Pile on the butter and fry everything if you like. A perfect recipe for constipation and high cholesterol, sluggishness and bad breath.

The press release excitedly confirms that this is the perfect way for vegetarians to lose weight and speculates "it could even attract the attention of a few celebrity veggie A-listers such as Leona Lewis, Stella McCartney and Jude Law."

Er, I doubt it.

• atkins
• diet
• diet & wellbeing
• horrible beauty
• vegetarians