We say Honey, you say G...Honey G
X Factor is going at full throttle at this stage, chewing up dreams and innocence and spitting out tears and millennial yodelling.
This weekend saw the delight of judges' houses which I heavily suspect are rented properties as opposed to their actual homes where the contestants are allowed to rummage through the judges' knickers drawers à la Come Dine With Me. But sure there's an idea for next season.
Some seriously vocally talented acts got through to the live show. And then there were the handful of novelty acts that are hoovered up by Cowell to spend a few weeks in the reality TV hoover bag before being dumped out unceremoniously when they start to make people splutter and cough like the hoover-y debris of an over-accumulation of human toenail clippings and tumbleweeds of glittery hair that have been picked up off the bedroom floor.
That's not to say these novelty acts don't deserve their place. But we all know how this is going to go. The X Factor machine is a well-oiled machine, a perfect pantomime of heroes, villains and jesters.
And one of those jesters would appear to be Honey G.
She says Honey, you say G.
She is now on Team Sharon who I suspect merely selected her because she can see her own reflection in Honey G's trademark mirrored glasses.
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But what does Honey G look like without the shiny spectacles? And why does she wear them? Is it all part of an elaborate hoax and shes's actually a journalist from The Guardian and we can expect an exposé on Louis Walsh's extensive hair brushing routine in a few weeks? And will it be sponsored by Lego who also sponsor Simon Cowell's clip on hair (and head)?
So if you are interested in seeing Honey G sans spectacles, behold, Anna Georgette Gilford.
We say Anna, you say eyeballs.
There was kerfuffle this week that Irish contestant Janet did not make it through, while Honey got a spot.
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But as she takes to the stage next week, we would do well to remember that while this is all a carefully-crafted script, that's still a real human with feelings and insecurities behind those sunglasses.
Honey, watch out for those killer bees.
