50 years of having naught but a moulded lump where his mickey ought to be haven't dimmed Ken Carson's megawatt smile. Oh sure, he's had his ups and downs - like that time in 2004 when him and Barbie broke up on Valentine's day and she got far too close to Blaine for comfort. And there have been some truly reprehensible outfits too. But no, the fixed grin never waned and the perfectly coiffed 'do didn't move so much as a millimetre. Well, it couldn't, could it?
And since he and B got back together, it's just been plastic fantastic.
Ken celebrates the big five-oh on March 11th and while the years have been kind to our moulded Piscean man, he's not afraid of a little cosmetic manipulation either: check the nine different hair colours he's sported, and hey, what about that 'tache he had in the 70s? "Don’t fear the beard," Ken drawls as he awkwardly bends his legs into a relaxed pose. "I’ve had facial hair while dating Barbie, and she loves the way my beard and mustache seem to disappear and reappear like magic. I just tell her I’m genetically blessed that way."
Oh Ken! Tell us more!
"I have the kind of odor-resistant, hair-free skin that most guys will never experience," he brags. "I’ve never broken a sweat even when traveling in extreme heat! I’m lucky like that, but willing to bet you’re not. Seriously, deodorant and toothpaste never killed anybody." We agree.
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On dating and how to treat your lady right, Ken's a mine of information - men made from such boring things as flesh and blood should take note. "There’s no such thing as a good pick up line," he declares. "Two things though hold a girl’s interest: a compliment you really mean and a promise she knows you’ll keep. Your sweet talk gets even sweeter if you know exactly what she wants to hear."
Anything else? "Small gestures, big impact," he instructs knowledgeably."Offer her your arm (if it bends that way), open the door for her, pull out her chair. A man with a glamorous girlfriend has to learn the fine art of being the perfect escort."
Sadly, our time with Ken is drawing to a close - this model man is one busy guy. Over the years he's been a businessman, Olympian and pilot. Most recently though, he's found fame as an actor starring in Toy Story 3, and we get the impression he'd like to cling to film.
So, any last words for us, dollface? As Ken leaves the room he turns his neck stiffly, aims that bright white smile and says: "Just like Barbie, my life in plastic is fantastic and all about having fun! And with that, he's gone.
