There were two stories that caught my attention yesterday. Both of them made me raise an eyebrow so by lunchtime I looked like Father Dougal trying to grasp the concept of small and far away.
The first concerns sports presenter and journalist, Clare Balding. She became a household name during the 2012 Olympics, with her natural interviewing technique resulting in some fantastic coverage. The chat she had with South African Bert Le Clos, after his son Chad had beaten Michael Phelps to the 200m butterfly gold medal, is absolute TV gold. "My beautiful boy, my beautiful boy!" shouted a tearful Bert and throats all over the world had a little lump. The man's pride and support were as obvious as a urine sample that has been tampered with.
But the support of Clare's own parents came in a very different form.
Her front cover for January 2014's Good Housekeeping (the name makes me think of Calor Housewife of the Year, apple tarts and curly mullets) was released and it was her weight loss that was making headlines. In the interview inside, she credits her mother with kick starting her stone and a half weight loss. "I got a bit lazy about it and then my mother said something. That always wakes you up a bit. She is very pleased with me now, though!" she said, "Sometimes you do need a kick up the bum, and I think I did."
This isn't the first time her family have weighed in on her figure. When she was starting out as a jockey, her father told her "You've got very porky. Lose it." And she did.
Clare doesn't seem overly sensitive to their criticisms. In fact, she seems to take their remarks as well-meaning nuggets of advice and actually responds to it by hitting the gym. (She did, however, call her autobiography "My Animals and Other Family" so maybe she was a bit miffed after all. Though her grandmother branded her "disgusting" when she discovered that Clare was dating a woman, Alice Arnold, so that might have been the reason either. Charming lot.)
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Clare Balding's January 2014 Good Housekeeping Cover (John Swannell / Good Housekeeping)The second, and unrelated, tale to catch my eye involved @EverydaySexism's twitter feed. For the last few months, a huge number of tweets from (mostly teenage) girls have discussed the fact that one or both of their parents have called them fat. It makes for really sad reading. You can hear the shame and the hurt in their 140 characters.
The women who tweeted on the subject often referenced how these comments have stayed with them into adulthood. They have learned that their worth is in indirect proportion to the size of their waist. And it's interesting to note they believe that the same level of criticism was not levelled at the boys in their families.
I am sure that it this also true for the women at the other end of the weighing scale. Some people can't help but pass comment and add their two cents as to whether, in their eyes, you are too fat or too thin.
It would be easy to say that we should ignore these judge and juries who suffer from verbal diarrhea, to roll out some cliché about sticks and stones. But that is of no help to the teenager who is self consciously hiding in her bedroom, replaying the humiliation in her head. Nor of any help to the woman whose self-esteem is already at a very low ebb.
But there is a balance to be struck. If a child is overweight, don't the parents have to encourage them towards a healthier lifestyle? Maybe the answer lies in subtlety and gentle guidance. But is there a cut-off age for parental commentary? Or is that like asking is there a cut-off age for parental love and concern?
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This discussion is like diving into a pool of sharks, a pool that not even Bert Le Clos' beautiful boy could easily navigate.
Have your family or friends ever commented on your weight in a negative way? Or indeed have you remarked on what you see to be their unhealthy weight loss or gain? Are there times when it is justified and is it all in the approach? Let us know your thoughts in the comments.
