I have never wanted to be one of those people who get older and become convinced that things were better in their day. I'm 38, and I think it's fairly safe to say that in many ways, things in this country have got much better since I was a kid. I grew up in an Ireland where contraception was difficult to get hold of, marital rape was legal and homosexual sex was illegal. I don't think that Ireland is a liberal paradise now, and god knows misogyny and homophobia are still rampant, but when you see happily out gay teenagers supported by their loving families, it's hard not to think that the modern world isn't so bad after all.
But then every so often something happens that makes me want to go and live in a cave far from civilisation. The misogyny outbreak that accompanied the Slane girl story did. And so does the new study by Britain's NSPCC which revealed that 28 per cent of teenagers strongly believe that porn "dictates how young people have to behave in a relationship", and a further 32 per cent believe it "sometimes" affects how they act when with their partner. With kids first encountering porn at earlier and earlier ages, there's a danger that it's started serving as a sort of alternative sex education. In fact, NSPCC policy advisor Claire Lilley said,
“It’s natural for children to become curious about puberty and sex. If they are not learning what they need to at school or at home they will turn elsewhere, including to porn. What pornography teaches boys is that girls are for sexual gratification, whilst girls feel they have to look and perform like ‘porn stars’ to be liked and valued by boys. This makes children vulnerable to being forced or pressured into behaving sexually.”
In principle, I have no moral objection to porn, when made and viewed by consenting adults. But I do object to the misogynistic nature of the industry, which perpetuates a dangerously narrow view of female sexuality and body types. And I find the idea of kids who barely know what sex is getting their sex education from this industry both heartbreaking and enraging. Understandably, the kids themselves believe that porn should be discussed in sex education at school - they know that this industry is not giving them an honest, healthy vision of sex, and they want to talk about it. Claire Lilley said,
“We can’t afford to be coy about sex education. Many children will have already been exposed to a vast amount of inappropriate, unrealistic and sometimes downright harmful pornography through the internet. This can warp their view of what is normal and acceptable sexual behaviour, how they treat others and how they expect to be treated.
“To protect children from these damaging messages they must be taught about sex in the context of healthy, caring relationships and how to protect and respect themselves and others.”
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And I agree with her. God knows the sort of sex education we received at my convent school wasn't up to much - in fact, my friends and I learned much more from the sensible, responsible problem pages of Just Seventeen than we ever learned in school. But fewer kids are reading magazines these days, and it's starting to look like they're more likely to be picking up information from porn instead.
I can't help feeling it's up to schools to start talking to kids about sex, relationships, consent and pornography in a more open way, rather than just telling them where babies come from and, if they're lucky, how to avoid having one if you don't want to (this was, unsurprisingly, a subject barely mentioned in my school in the early 90s).
So what do you think - should schools discuss porn with kids? Or is it up to their parents? And do you think things are generally better or worse for today's kids when it comes to sex and relationships?
