There have been many shameful fashion trends that few of us have managed to escape. It’s the circle of life. You get the latest accessory, convinced it can and will change your life, then wear it far beyond its shelf life (because you are a fashion icon, obviously). Approximately a year and a half later, you’ll see a photo of yourself sporting this accessory and immediately vomit, then question your clearly-flawed logic at the time.
To break up the day, sometimes I'll sit and wonder if what I'm wearing at any given moment will be considered hideous in twelve months time. Unless it's a cape. That is a timeless classic.
Here are some the most shameful trends that are guaranteed to make you feel uncomfortable. Apologies in advance:
- Scrunchies
Never has a hair accessory so strong made stomachs so weak. Why were they so chunky and far too often made from velvet? The mere mention of the word has been known to send chills down many a spine. Extra cringe points for those who had their name embroidered on their scrunchies, I know I did!
- Crocs
These borderline-criminal shoes are constantly reappearing like David Copperfield’s career. The fact that you can personalise and accessorise Crocs is further unsettling. What's worse than a pair of these hideous shoes? A personalised pair of these hideous shoes. To the recycling bin with them, immediately!
- Chokers
I'm not too proud to admit that my very first passport photo contains an eye-catching black choker. There's no doubt that I thought I was the business both before and after the photo was taken and luckily I can now see the error of my ways. Passport control should've detained me for crimes against the fashion world. I would've understood.
- Fedoras
Can't decide whether a fedora will compliment your outfit or not? Simple - it doesn't! Never wear a fedora, you are not a magician, nor are you Olly Murs. If you are a magician or Olly Murs, please reconsider your headwear. Perhaps a sequined visor?
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- Ponchos
Ugly Betty made the poncho almost cool for a short amount of time, but that time has been and gone. Understandably, a poncho is essential if you are at a festival that’s been hit by torrential rain, or you're dressing as Clint Eastwood for Halloween. But other than that, a poncho’s only approved function is to keep the fire lit.
- Mullets
Often misinterpreted as being 'business in the front, party in the back', the real tagline of mullets is 'Absolutely Not, No'. It’s hard to believe that there was once a time when it was The Rachel. Nobody can rock this look, not now, not ever.
- Bum Bags
Hilariously referred to as 'fanny packs' in the US, bum bags are a glitch in the fashion world Matrix. Dads on holidays are carrying this trend a little too long and need to be stopped. Not even Rihanna can revive this retch-worthy rag.
- Shell Suits
Truthfully, I wouldn't be entirely put out by the return of a shell-suit. They're stylish in an ironic/hipster way and good Lord if they weren't comfortable. Plus, you're guaranteed a high level of comfort in prison when you get arrested by the fashion police.
- Socks and Sandals
Jesus himself would've been mortified up on that cross in a pair of socks and sandals. Nobody would contest that there's a lot wrong with their combination, especially if you introduce the toe-separator sandals *shudders*
- Vajazzles
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Initially perceived as a funny and inventive play on words, it was harrowing to discover that vajazzling was a genuine act. Never has there been less of a need for a diamanté downstairs than right now and also ever before.
Sincere apologies for any involuntary retching that has taken place upon reading this article. Luckily these trends are all in the past and that is hopefully where they shall remain forevermore. What other trends were you happy to see the back of? Are there any you’d consider giving another go? Comment below with your shameful past purchases.
