Oh what a silly wife! It's because her foof stinks that he's locked the door in a sulk. READ THIS AD! READ IT!
The other day, I posted on fanny face wash and noticed that one or two people were, understandably, commenting about how buying any type of muff-related product was a bit cringy. I say understandably because, since the first time Aunt Flow came to visit, we've been taught to be very coy about anything that goes on downstairs.
In the time of chivalry and tea dresses, you had to be discrete about everything. Vintage tampon ads all sell off the same point - if you don't buy 'em, people will know when you're on your period; the subtext is that they'll burn you at the stake or some other appropriate punishment.
When I'm curled up in the foetal position, crying about Forrest Gump but also thinking that Tom Hanks is kind of sexy and planning what my next snack will be, I like to get some sympathy. If you rooted through my sent-box now, you'd probably find several variants of "My ovaries are about to DIE! Where is the chocolate? Can you bring chocolate over? MY OVARIES!" because I feel my friends need to know about my condition and drop everything to come to my bedside. Discreet? Not a bit.
But have marketing companies really progress much since the period-witch hunt days? I'm not so sure. We've already written about the Always advertising after seeing one too many adverts for perfumed pads. The marketing implies, we'll be smelly bitches if we don't buy sanitary products that are infused with acti-pearls. Not just pearls. ACTI-PEARLS!
No, I don't know either.
I went for a root around their website and, after I got over the laughing fit that ensued when I read that Always have wings to "hug the curvature of your panty" I found the product blurbs for their Radiant towels - "We've added a light, clean scent, to help you feel fresh."Actually, Always, I don't need help feeling fresh - I'm pretty sure that the purpose of periods is to clean out your inner lady bits, isn't it? It's not a dirty process, at all. In the words of Outkast; ain't nobody dope as me I'm dressed so fresh so clean (so fresh and so clean, cleaaan). The fact of the matter is, big brands need to make women feel insecure to make money.
Face the stinky facts for crying out loud. The lady doctor says so
Zonitors. So dainty. Just stick this up your fanny and your husband won't be repulsed any more
An early example preying on the reeking fears
Advertised
A later example preying on the reeking fears
Chatting to a pal, as you do, about your stink worries
Here's that offensive odour again! It's underarm this time- but still caused by your sex (?)
Get fresh 'n hep ladies
Indelicate. Society puts its foot down. No need to say any more
How does the whole thing make you feel? Have the years of BLEACH YOUR FOOF marketing taken a toll on you?
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images via vintageadbrowser.com
