I'm making Flirtysomething an honourary Beaut.ie blogger. She's fantastic - if you haven't checked out her blog yet then you are missing out on some serious laughs - that we can all relate to here at Beaut.ie! So thanks to Flirty for all her insights, her sense of humour and her dedication to the causes of shopping, makeup, men - in other words, what really matters in life.
.
"We all have our little shopping habits and rituals. I am no different to any other woman in that respect. All my shopping is subject to an index I call G.I.R.T.H. (Guilt Inducing Retail Therapy Habit). My shopping is alternated between items that are high and low on the GIRTH scale.Key items on the low GIRTH scale are shoes and handbags. Although shoes can increase points if the ankle straps make you look short or a low toe makes your legs look chunky. Handbags on the other hand are magic, the bigger they are, the smaller you look.
.
When is the last time a handbag made you look fat? Sadly, not all purchases can be at this end of the scale.
"Top of the GIRTH index is of course bikini shopping; particularly when you are in a changing room with 360 mirrors and florescent lightening. Now when shopping for clothes with limited material or Lycra content there are things you can do to reduce the GIRTH.
- Have leaning tower of Pisa heels.
- Exfoliate and fake tan for 3 days before shopping.
- Drink a lot of Green Tea.
- Don’t wear your glasses or wear tinted sunglasses smeared with Vaseline
- Pretend you have horizontal vertigo e.g. never look behind.
Advertised
"The one exception to the GIRTH index is wedding dresses. Normally they move up and down the scale; start off low and then escalate dramatically when you can’t find your dream dress. Finally work their way back down the index when your mates convince you that you have found the dream dress. (Generally because they can’t possibly endure another day of shopping with you.)By using this fool-proof index you can ensure many happy purchases in the future.
"Always remember when shopping - it’s not the length but the GIRTH that matters."
