It’s the most anxiety-inducing time of the year, as the song doesn't go. ‘Tis the season for Christmas parties (they’d be ridiculous in July), so let’s go through a few important dos and don'ts to ensure that your 2014 and subsequent Christmas parties go off without a glitch.
Do:
Attend – Yes it’s a colossal effort to get ready at lightning speed after work, yes it’s freezing outside and yes taxis are rarer than a shy Kardashian, but you’ll regret not going once the girls post photos of themselves and their bellinis on Facebook without you, so get out the dry shampoo out and move it!
Drink – Go on, give into the peer pressure and put the fear of the fear out of your mind. Let’s be realistic, everyone is going to be well and truly 'jingle belled' by 9pm and you are not equipped to handle that situation sober. If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em with a gin! Worry about tomorrow, tomorrow.
Dress Festively – It’s the only time of year that you can get away with looking hideous, hurrah! Throw caution to the wind and decorate yourself in a Christmas jumper, but don’t go overboard. The ones with flashing lights will match the sirens of the fashion police car when they come to arrest you for crimes against clothing. Less is more.
Attend Work The Following Day – The temptation to phone in sick will be overwhelming, but don’t give in! Everyone will be dying and you have important gossip to gather. Plus, there’s food in work and you will be requiring plenty of it to get yourself over the hangover. Those mysteriously gifted chocolates won’t know what hit them!
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Don’t:
Skip Dinner – You’ll be tight for time, but make dinner a priority. Line that stomach so you’re able to carry on the party until the wee hours. Don't rely on the party nibbles, they'll be gross and nobody looks good launching into a mini quiche that’s balancing on a napkin with six other mini quiches for company.
Air Grievances – If you’re at a work party, do not, under any circumstances, use the situation to make a mends with a co-worker that you've not always seen eye-to-eye with. It will end horribly and you will have to see them every day for the rest of your life. Just smile and say hello, then quietly bitch about them the next day like the rest of us do!
Stand Near Mistletoe – This is a given. If you’re within a three-foot radius of mistletoe, a creep will approach you. The creep will come out of nowhere and you will turn roughly the same colour as a Christmas Eve Yankee Candle (they’re red). Keep an eye out and run a mile, gals.
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Say Goodbye – Prematurely Leaving a party is an art form that very few have managed to perfect. The last thing you want to do is announce to the masses that you are departing because the wonderful pairing of Andrea Bocelli and Sarah Brightman you are not! The party-goers will pounce on you like a hungry leopard in the jungle. What you need to do is quietly “slip off to the bathroom" or “take an important phone call”. When your whereabouts is inquired, simply send a text informing your friends that you met Ryan Gosling and you had to fly to Paris with him urgently. Foolproof! Disclaimer: This can only be used twice, to avoid questioning of the integrity of the story.
What other dos and don’ts do you exercise at Christmas parties? Share your tips, we’re desperate!
