There’s an ad for McDonalds that’s been on the tellybox for a while now. In it, a scantily clad young wan takes off up the stairs of her new beau’s pad, promising - with a sultry flick of the gruaig and a come-hither-in-a-minute look - that she’s just going to slip into something more comfortable. Your man looks like he's died and gone to heaven as all his birthdays come together. Cue a fast-forward sound effect, and she arrives back into the room in a tie-dyed t-shirt that’s seen better days to whinge that yer man is after leaving the bedroom window open and she can’t go asleep now coz it’s feckin’ freezin’ in there.
The way you can tell that time has moved on, though, isn’t because of the sound effects or the moaning or the fact that she’s stopped getting dressed up to impress her fella. Nope, it’s the ’tasche full o’ bleach and the roller in the fringe that are supposed to signify they’ve been going out for a while now – I guess those are the telltale signs, as far as McDonalds are concerned, that she’s really not investing in the relationship anymore since she’s dropped the whole feminine mystique thing.
Well, there’s only so long the average woman can pretend that she doesn’t use face masks that make her look like an orange burns victim, that she doesn’t grow hair anywhere other than on her head, and that she owns drawers full of coordinated, fabric deficient underwear. But eventually there comes a point where you forget that you’ve just slapped on a thick white/green/orange face mask as you wander downstairs to see what’s happening on House, or Himself starts to wonder how he’s spending about the equivalent of Real Madrid's transfer budget on replacement razorblades, or all your sexy smalls are in the wash.
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Even so, there are limits: most of us wouldn’t particularly like our partners to witness us in the throes of a Number One or Two, like.
What beauty bits do you hope your Other Half never sees you at? Shaving down your corns and calluses? Squeezing the literal crap out of every blackhead and spot on your face? Trimming your nasal hair? Do tell!
