Makeup Meltdown: what happened when Ryanair lost my luggage

Yes.

The unthinkable happened.

My bag didn't appear on the baggage carousel in the airport. It was nowhere to be found.
I had dressed at three o'clock on a cold Irish morning for the flight and now the t shirt and jeans, my leather jacket and the pair of etiennes I stood up in, were all I had with me for a week on a sundrenched island off the African coast. Because of the ludicrous rules governing hand luggage, I had no make up with me either. At all. I had my sunglasses in my handbag though, so at least that was some consolation. But my new clothes! Where where they? And my jewellery! And my makeup!

Swallowing my tears and stoically accepting the weak assurances of the Ryanair staff that it would all (hopefully) work out fine, I headed out into the blinding sunlight to spend the next two days and nights wearing those same jeans, those same runners, the husbands boxer shorts and some crappy tops I bought in a tourist shop, that I wouldn't be caught dead in at home.

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However, I bravely made the most of the situation, Rooting through my cavernous handbag I found that my predilection for picking up samples had served me well - in a totally unexpected way. Mixed up with the receipts and broken biros and the loose change and the shopping lists, it seemed I had night cream samples from Elemis and Dior, makeup remover from Estee Lauder and exfoliator from Clinique. I had a mini mascara from Chanel (Inimitable!) and a baby lipgloss from Lancome (Jucy Tube!). Hurrah!

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I went to the perfumeria for foundation. I would have spent the next two days the colour of a satsuma, as the lightest shade there was on offer was a violent orange. It was either that or teak. In the end I chose to go au natural. So NOT a good look for me. But better then the satsuma.

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I went to the pharmacia for cleanser and moisturiser. There I fared better. I asked the girls behind the counter for the stuff they liked the best and I came away with some Avene cleanser (gorgeous) and a moisturiser made from snails, er, slime. I kid you not. They're mad into aloe vera cosmetics in Spain, so I got some aloe goodies too. I had to replace all the Vichy Capital Soleil I got the week before, but hell that's something you need to have all the time anyway.

Then I went back to the apartment, had a shower with the husbands manly shower gel, used his manly deodorant, moisturised with snail slime, applied some day glo foundation, changed into a fresh pair of boxer shorts and a top so unfashionable and garish it could only ever have been purchased in an overpriced tourist tat shop.

I was ready for a wonderful night out.