David Brent as I live and breathe: business speak and you

There's no 'I' in 'team'. But then there's no 'I' in 'useless smug colleague', either. And there's four in 'platitude-quoting idiot'. Go figure.
David Brent

Now that the Apprentice is back the country must buckle under the strain of a deluge of ridiculous management speak every week. It's Far From Penny Apples we've come: the amount of crap the contestants come out with (in an attempt to cover up their complete lack of being actually able to accomplish even the most simple of tasks) is huge.

Take Monday for example when the first show kicked off. I was curled up on the sofa, glass of wine in hand laughing my ass off at (primarily) Niamh and Cahal. What part of sitting in a car for three hours made good selling sense? Bill wanted sales people (sorry I mean "enterprise enablers") and what he got was jargon - not a core competency in sight, granular or otherwise.

The hour brought forth gems like "warm leads" and "face time" and of course the ubiquitous team player using blue sky thinking (outside the box of course) going forward, were never far from anyone's thoughts.

The thing is, it's not just Niamh who tries to cover up her ineptitude (or career limiting behaviour) with this kind of language. We've all had to suffer a colleague who spouts this kind of rubbish on regular basis, usually while the rest of the office suppresses snorts of laughter.

Or horror of horrors have you ever found yourself doing it?

Tell us your stories!