The Utter Confusion Of A Trip To TK Maxx

Going to TK Maxx is the clothing equivalent of shopping in Lidl or Aldi. It's different, it's exciting and you feel like you're in a foreign land, desperately trying to navigate your way around and avoid standing out like a sliced pan in a gluten-free factory.

Your initial bewilderment commences as soon as you enter the door. The ceilings are abnormally high and there's a blast of warm air greeting you that's pleasant, but feels a bit like an overweight ghost is passing through you. In more familiar shops like Penneys, you can arrive at a store you've never visited before and still have a shopper's instinct of where everything is, but in TK Maxx it's a different ball game altogether. Knickers are strewn across shampoo bottles and bras have attached themselves to bathroom mirrors. It's chaos, but you feel at home because this is exactly what your bedroom looks like.

The survival instincts kick in and you make a quick mental map of how you're going to navigate this joint. Start at the left hand side and do a clockwise circuit of the shop. Simple. You're a genius and should really look into navigation as a future career path.

• Perplexing Prices

The first section you'll start in is the handbags, simple enough. They're colour-coded and neatly spread out. Wait a minute, what on earth kind of system is in operation with the price tags. What's an RRP? Seems very expensive. But look, the actual price is way less. What a delight, TK Maxx is the best for savings. How do they manage to get the prices down so low? Must be last season's stock. You don't need to think twice about purchasing something from last season. You're not Naomi Campbell and neither are your friends. Who's going to know? You're a master of disguise. Next.

• Display Confusion

Time to attack the railings, all 65,000 of them, which are in very close proximity even though the shop itself is the size of twelve Croke Parks. Good thing you're still sweating from that blast of warm air when you walked in. You've probably lost a minimum of three pounds since you arrived, so you can nip in between those railings with enviable ease.

There's a lot packed into the railings, random children keep appearing and some of the clothing is questionably-gendered. Repetitive strain injury is a real danger here as you have to touch and examine every item you find in your size. A good tip is to mimic a doggy paddle movement with your hands as you move the hangers apart, this is guaranteed to get you through the clothing more efficiently.

• Homeware Confusion

Who says you can't buy a non-stick frying pan and ball gown in the same shop? This is the future. Keep up or step aside, sister. They even sell toilet brushes and beds for animals! However, this kind of genius becomes a bit awkward when you head into the changing rooms and find yourself giving the attendant a frying pan to mind while you try on a few bits. She's used to it though, and isn't that what she's being paid to do? Fair play to her, out working in this economy.

• Shoe Bewilderment

The confusion surrounding the shoes in TK Maxx should not exist. For once, a shop has arranged their shoes based on size. We can see exactly what’s available for our awkward half size feet. This kind of organisation is revolutionary and potentially deserving of a Nobel Prize of some sort. But given that we are used to spending ages rummaging around for our particular size in other shops, then asking several staff members, this ease of access confuses us. Who do they think they are making life easy for us?

• Sweets – No Confusion

TK Maxx know what they're up to. Putting beautiful, colourful and delicious sweets alongside the queues for paying. Add to this, the fantastic value you're getting for these treats given that their RRP is significantly higher than what TK Maxx is offering them to us for and you're onto a winner. No matter what time of year it is, you'll find yourself justifying the need to buy the Christmas sweets, for presents and whatnot. Tasting these sweets on the way home is also essential. You've survived the utter confusion of TK Maxx and come out the other side, have a mini Yorkie.

How do you find TK Maxx? Are you past the confusion stage and whizzing through the place like a pro? Share your tips in exchange for Christmas sweets which may or may not have already been demolished!