Who'll take Jodie up the aisle?

I have to admit, the part of me that's bad, that's tabloid, that loves car crash tv was dying to see this programme. Normally I'm happier reading philosophy and watching arty subtitled black and white films - but listen I have to indulge my trashy mag side too you know.

I thought this would be a big joke. But at the end of it I just thought, aw Jodie, why are you doing this to yourself girl?

I've watched things with Ms Marsh on them before - that celebrity Olympics yoke and the dominatrix stylee It's Me Or the Dog. And I've always actually thought she was ok. Strange yes; attention seeking of course; not very fond of clothes; keen on the trowel and pollyfilla approach to makeup... right the list is endless.

But this was terrible. The whole premise: Jodie really wants to get married. She's lonely she sobs to her family. Yada yada, bla bla. I'm not doing this for publicity at all she earnestly informs journalists. When one particular lady journalist seems to doubt that her motives may not be solely inspired by the thoughts of holy matrimony Jodie turns quite nasty indeed. "It's because she's not slim and pretty like me" she confides to her entourage later.

"Lets organise to have the wedding somewhere really classy" says her publicist. "How about Stringfellows" someone in the office pipes up.

So off Jodie goes, touring the UK in her giant tour bus emblazoned with the slogan of the venture . Auditions for the husband to be are held in dingy nightclubs. Hardly any potential suitors turn up. At one location no one turns up at all. When they do turn up they tend to be mingers. What a surprise. When a decent candidate does finally show up Jodie wastes no time in whisking him off for a longer interview. One that takes place in her hotel room and doesn't end til the next morning. Well at least she's thorough.

Jodie can't understand it. Why can't I find a decent man? she wonders one night in yet another seedy club. Wearing the knickers-boots-bra-bucketloads of badly applied makeup-stupid hat combo that constitutes her usual get up we must wonder why that question isn't rhetorical.

The saga will continue on MTV. But don't bother watching. It's seriously crap.