The M Word: How Do You Deal With Money In Your Relationship?

There's something deeply unromantic about talking about money, but unless you're both independently wealthy millionaires with a fleet of staff who handle all your financial affairs, it's an issue for every couple.

Once a relationship becomes serious, and especially when a couple move in together, it's hard to avoid the M-word. What rent can we afford? Who pays for what? And will we eventually have a joint bank account, just for the household expenses?

It can be tricky territory, especially if one partner earns more than the other.

And even if you both earn similar amounts, there are plenty of issues to negotiate. Do you have the right to complain if your other half is (you think) squandering a month's wages on a posh new telly while you're both meant to be saving for a house deposit? Or if you think he or she should really be putting that money aside to cover bills and other household expenses? And if you do start a joint account, what does it cover? And if you don't, how you decide who pays for what? Oh, I feel tired just thinking about it.

This week, in an interesting and moving Telegraph piece, the novelist Jonathan Grimwood wrote about how he and his wife, the writer and editor Sam Baker, approach their shared finances. They've been partners for twenty years, but neither knows exactly how much the other earns. They split their bills, and each just has their own personal account.

Now, I do know how much my husband earns, and not just because until last year we were both self employed and we file our taxes together. But we both have our own personal bank accounts and I can't imagine not having money in my own name, just for me. Even though this isn't what I grew up with - my parents have had one joint account ever since they were married 42 years ago. They both always worked outside the home, so each of them was earning money, but that money went into the shared pot. I mean, they may have secret bank accounts hidden away somewhere, but they probably don't.

So what about you? How important are financial issues in your relationship? And do you think our partners have the right to know exactly how much money we're making?

images via Bank Of Ireland