Our, Eh, Scientific Guide to What the Amount of Milk You Put in Your Tea Says About You

There’s no better way to find out everything you need to know about a person than by closely monitoring the amount of milk they put into their tea.

Well, that's what we here at Beaut.ie HQ reckon. Break time can be a veritable minefield - there have been squabbles about whether you should make tea so strong you could trot a mouse across it or is the weak and waaathery version the tea of the Gods. But the main bone of contention is the amount of milk we pour in.

We've been monitoring behaviours closely and we think we've cracked the relationship between personalities and the quantity of milk poured into their cuppa. So we've created this handy guide - feel free to use it to identify yourself and those around you.

Now, say when.

• The majority of a carton

Jesus, Mary and Joseph. Would you like a drop of tea with that milk?  Generally, you are a very conservative person and do not take a lot of risks in life. Your ideal activity is doing a beginners Sudoku with a warm cup of milk tea. As a child you were what can only be described as a fussy little pup. Mammy was never out of sight because that induced a fear of being kidnapped. You are financially in trouble because your tea expenditure is working out at about €15,000 per day so you work two jobs. But you’re happy enough so we’ll leave you to it.

• A good drop

Only in Ireland is ‘a good bit’ used as a unit of measurement, and everyone understands precisely how much that means. Alternatively, ‘a healthy amount’ describes your preferred volume. You like a milky brew and there is no shame in that. It’s the fear of burning your tongue that keeps you awake at night, so a few years ago you decided to take a stand and prevent this from ever happening again. As a person, you’re very methodical and organised. Your socks are folded and in complete pairs, plus your cupboards look like an Aldi catalogue.

• Arah a sup is all

You consider yourself to be very strong but truthfully, you're a bit of a wimp. In terms of toughness, in your mind you are Fatima Whitbread, but in reality you come closer to Angela Lansbury (burger, she wrote). You have a gym membership that you come dangerously close to taking advantage of.  Fitness is important to you, as is ruining the sacred art form that is a cup of tea. You are partial to a few drinks at the weekend (only low-calorie though). You will never find true love until you learn to accept yourself and listen to the advice to others (particularly regarding tea).

• A single drop

You are as hard as nails. Do you sleep on a bed of nails? Do you brush your hair with an axe? Do you wash yourself with a Brillo Pad? You are the modern day G.I. Jane. You could master the Modh Coinníollach in school, no hassle. Rescuing kittens from trees is your day job, along with tirelessly fighting for world peace. Your hobbies include weightlifting, knitting and mocking people that use Rescue Remedy. You have a lot of money (from the milk savings) and use it to treat yourself with the finer things in life such as memory-foam mattresses and spontaneous trips to Kuala Lumpur.

• None

You are a freak of nature and you are impressing nobody with your notions. That is not tea, that is hot water with some sort of a soggy bag in it. How very dare you step into someone’s house and request a cup of tea only to snub the milk that’s been specially poured into the good china jug because of the visitors. Your hobbies include ruining Make A Wish Foundation activities, stealing Euro coins out of trolleys and inaccurately using hashtags on Instagram. You will live a lonely life until you learn to trust at least a sup of milk, and have an open mind towards change.

And as for those of you who use UHT milk - there is a special circle in hell reserved just for you.

What do you make of our, eh, scientific guide? Are you a fifteen-milky-cups-a-day woman or are you a two-no-milk-no-sugar-I'm-tough-as-nails-me type? Let us know your thoughts in the comments!