No Offence, But…Chelsea Clinton Talks Criticism and Best Ways to Handle Those Cruel Words

Nobody likes being criticised.

Unless you're some sort of weird masochist, being told what you've supposedly done wrong is always uncomfortable at best, and upsetting at worst. But everyone deals with it in different ways. Some people are instantly convinced that whoever's criticizing them is totally right, and that they themselves are a total screw-up. Some people carefully consider the criticism, evaluate where it's coming from and see what they can learn from it. And for other people (like, um, me), the automatic response to criticism is to get all defensive and think "this person is totally wrong! How dare they!" Then we usually calm down a bit, have a cup of tea and try and evaluate it more calmly. We might even take it on board.

Of course, there are many sorts of criticism. There's the straightforwardly mean stuff - as seen in every trashy gossip magazine, where women are torn to shreds for their supposed flaws. There's the authoritarian telling-off, which some of us have experienced from mean bosses, and the stern talking to, which we hear when we've genuinely messed up.  There's the constructive variety, where someone genuinely tries to help. This is probably the easiest to receive although, as anyone who's ever tried to give it will know, it can be the hardest to give convincingly. One thing's for sure, though - any criticism that begins "no offence, but…" is going to be, well, offensive.

And of course, it all depends on who's doing it too. Yeah, you might be able to shrug off an annoying boss's criticism, but what if the person doing the critiquing is a partner or friend? Of course, most of us just have to deal with being criticized by people we actually know, whether we're close to them or not. But if you're in the public eye, the attacks from total strangers can be harder to handle. On a visit to Ireland this week, Chelsea Clinton revealed that her mother Hillary had offered her some useful advice on how to handle criticism. The Irish Times reported that

 Ms Clinton said her mother had taught her “by word and even more by action” how to handle criticism, which came in two forms.

The first was the criticism of serious people, which she took seriously but tried not to take personally. “I want that criticism even if it’s uncomfortable,” she said.

The second was not about her but about the critic. “In that bucket I would put everything that has to do with my appearance . . . whether or not someone likes my hair; what someone thinks of the timing of my choosing to become a mother. That’s just not about me.”

As audience members expressed their agreement, she said: “Right? A lot of you have experienced some of these things. That’s just not about us. That’s about the critic who’s trying to tear us down.”

No matter how you deal with criticism, I think we can all learn something from Chelsea and Hillary's wise words. As Chelsea says, some criticism is more about the critics themselves - and once we realise that, it doesn't have any power over us. And some criticism, well, some criticism might just be right. Or at least a little bit right. And it's a good idea to think about that instead of saying "This person is a fool! What does she know anyway?" Not that I'd ever think this, of course.

So how do you handle criticism - both giving and taking? What's the most useful criticism you've ever received? And how good are you at dishing it out?