Nine Stages of Christmas Build Up
Every year it seems that Christmas starts that little bit earlier, but there are important steps that have become routine, and give us plenty of warning that the big day is on the way.
From the very first ring of a sleigh bell to the time we sit down for a plate full of turkey, these are a few stages to the Christmas process.
Stage One: It begins
Everyone knows that random aisle in the supermarket that’s normally full of crap, and overnight (sometime around November 1st) it goes from having a load of Halloween stuff to having selection boxes and those tins of biscuits that no one likes but everyone buys.
Stage Two: Deck the cups with boughs of holly
You head along to get your morning eye-opener (coffee, that is) to a random chain that’s on your way to the office. Instead of the plain white cup that normally greets you, it’s got some festive nonsense on it with Christmas trees and reindeer.
Pic via Essex SU/Twitter
Stage Three: You won’t make it out alive
The inevitable yearly warning about the weather getting truly terrible kicks in, and we’re all told that we need to buy gloves, ice grips and start drinking anti-freeze just to stay alive, and maybe set the house on fire for warmth.
Stage Four: Keep on truckin'
Again, just after Halloween we are bombarded by a raft of Christmas feelings brought on mainly by nostalgic ads that really let you know that ‘tis the season, it’s always the real thing. These include Coca Cola, Budweiser and Corn Flakes, although we must recommend that you don't mix those all together, you'll have a fairly upset stomach.
Stage Five: How much is that Christmas tree in the window?
The window displays start to get put up in all the shops around the place, from the most impressive ones in big department stores to the local store that has had that same cardboard Santa in the window since 1976.
Stage Six: Office parties
The office Christmas party is the annual opportunity to embarrass yourself in front of your co-workers by eating and drinking too much, and you get the inevitable email around the middle of November about the venue where your debauchery will take place. Ample time to start planning your excuses as to why you’re not in work the following day and how you ended up passed out in the gutter. "Yeah, I think I got a dodgy pint at some stage, maybe the eighth one? Or the sandwich on the way home…"
Pic via Mario/Flickr
Stage Seven: Let there be light
Using a team of what we presume to be joyful Christmas elves who work unseen throughout the night hours, the shortness of the evenings becomes offset by the increase in the number of lights around town as decorations aplenty bedeck the streets of cities all over the country. In other words, someone puts the lights up, and we reach christical mass, there’s no stopping Christmas now.
Stage Eight: Jump(er) Around
Christmas jumper pop up shops begin to appear on every corner and the larger retailers start selling “hilarious” options for you to get your hands on that you can wear to your Christmas party or the myriad of Christmas catch ups. Don’t worry, they’re still really cool and no one at all thinks you’re an idiot…
Pic via EstherNewtonblog
Stage Nine: The beginning of the end
When you hear 'Fairytale of New York' for the first time (but definitely not the last) either on the radio or as the last song of the night in the pub, then it is officially Christmas. Time to surrender to the madness and cry in the corner as you realise that, once again, you've failed to buy a single present, and now the shops are going to be packed for the next two weeks. It's time to just settle in and watch the Christmas movies on TV, there's no hope now.