Fowl Play With Dustin

Tickled and all that I am that a fowl-mouthed puppet (doubly delighted he's pissed off Dana) will be representing us in the joke-fest that is the Eurovision, right now, I'm awarding Nul Points to Dustin on the grooming front.

That addled-looking drinkers beak, the ruffled feathers, the dull complexion - something's got to be done before he heads to Belgrade and makes a total holy show of us. And I'm not even talking about the song, wha?

So Dustin - I hope you're paying attention, because this is what needs to be done, stat.

1. Those feathers need some serious attention. A good cut and a glossing treatment need to be your first port of call. After that, invest in some Frizz Ease. God knows, you need it.

2. Concealer. Jayyysssis Dustin. That nose! Those eyes! Get yourself something heavy duty - I recommend emulsion paint - and jaysis use it.

3. Tackle that redness. You might want to knock the pints on the head for a while, because that whiskey nose is a shocker. Calm redness with some lovely soothing products from La Roche Posay.

PS: it's just a guess, but you look like you could do with a breath-mint too.