Celebwatch: Linda Martin

Ah Linda, my abiding memory of Eurovision from my childhood is you standing up there, in a one armed dress made out of some beige velvet curtains which you'd cleverly trimmed with some fringing in a crazy attempt to channel both Sgt. Pepper AND Scarlett O'Hara. At the same time.

Frankly my dear, I didn't give a damn for your fashion choice. Even as a nipper I assumed you were singing 'Why Me' about having to wear such a horrible dress, as opposed to wailing about your emotions.

But I will concede that you look amazing these days - you're a mature lady to be sure, but you're still a bit of a fox. I can never work out why Louis Walsh doesn't ask you out on a date - an unmarried gent like him, you'd think he'd jump at the chance. But sure maybe he's a confirmed bachelor, eh?