Booby Traps : Bra Shopping and expert tips on getting the right fit

My boobs set off alarms and break machines. I am the love child of Katy Perry and a Transformer. But before you pack me off to Comic Con, I will admit that it is my bra that is the actual hero of these fantastical feats.

Last week the metal detector alerted the security man at the airport to the fact that I was wearing an underwire bra. I thought about hiding in my suitcase as he swiped the small detector across my chest. In my teenage years, I was none too popular when the washing machine repair man waved an offending half moon shaped piece of wire at my father and declared that wimmin are divils for breaking machines with their *another wave of the offending item*....

At 32DD, I am all about the support and the fit. There is no way that I could consider leaving the house without one. I get fitted by an expert every time I go to buy a bra. Every time. I am not enthused by the fact that I have to stand there in a state of undress while a stranger man handles me (I think that should be woman handles, are there any gentlemen that do this job or would you run a mile?) and shouts words of encouragement like “scoop” and “jiggle, now jiggle!” at me.

But weight fluctuates and brands aren’t consistent in their sizing so I think the fitting process is essential. And the most important part of the process is having an expert fitter who really knows their stuff. If getting home from work and flinging off your bra before you’ve even closed the front door is part of your daily routine, it may be time to get thee to a measuring tape.

BTs do a great fitting job and some of the smaller boutiques really spend time rummaging to find you the perfect bra. Those of us within the larger boob community know that Bramora and Bravissimo are always worth checking out. I popped into Bravissimo’s flagship Oxford Circus store recently for a chat and to ask them for their top three tips when buying a new bra. Follow these and you might not have to suffer the indignity of having Trinny and/or Susannah sticking their noggins up the back of your bra to show how incompetent you are at dressing yourself.

• When trying on a bra, if you have been able to put the bra onto the middle/tightest hook straight away then the bra is too big in the back so always try a smaller back size.

• When you have got the bra on, you should always remember to adjust the shoulder straps and remember that this should be done every time you wear or wash the bra.
• There are lots of different types of bra - balconette, full cup, plunge, half cup, moulded, strapless...don’t be afraid to ask for advice about which would work for you.

My own top tip is to approach it like you would buying a new pair of jeans and bring a big bundle into the changing room. And a hip flask if you feel you need something to get you through the process.

I have tried about a gazillion bras and I know what works for me. Freya and Simone Perele are among my favourites but Fantasie does the best strapless. Finally and absolutely, definitely and in no uncertain terms  - stick on bras are not meant for likes of me.

And I have no choice but to wear the wire. Over n out.