The Bronze Lady

I caught that awful dose that's doing the rounds and it pole-axed me for 3 full days, and I'm still not right. Consequently I look dreadful - my skin is the first thing to go when I'm not well, and I look like a blotchy, wan leper. Or similar.

Something had to be done. Out came the fake tans and facial moisturisers with a hint of colour, and on they went. After a couple of days I started to look half human, and gentle reader, that is where I should have stopped. Because my unique combination of all and everything has left me so orange I could get a job at the airport leading the planes in.

I got up this morning and walked into the living room whereupon I was greeted by gales of male laughter. I was baffled. "What are you laughing at??", I said. Himself, gasping for breath between fits of giggles said "have you SEEN yourself? I admitted that no, I had not, and proceeded at speed to the nearest mirror.

OH JESUS!

Yes, what I mostly looked like was an Oompa Loompa. We both burst out laughing and then I ran to the bathroom and proceeded to exfoliate my visage to within an inch of its life.

I look slightly less orange now, but really, waaaay too tanned for this time of year. Boo hoo!