The beauty bits that boys just don't get

Himself is mostly a bit of a saint when it comes to my beauty habits. He turns a blind eye to the make-up collection that threatens to engulf our flat and, I think, has only once complained about the stink of nail polish remover (there was some long-term soakage involved and the place did completely reek afterwards.) He's quite used to my occasionally mad maquillage and does his level best to be helpful when his opinion is requested.

He's still a bloke, though, and like most boyfriends and husbands there are aspects of make-up, hair, and beauty that he just doesn't get.

Some of them are self-explanatory: "Orange tan... tan with rain on it... nails that have a big lump on them [accompanied by a helpful exaggerated gesture denoting an imaginary arc of gel build-up on his index finger.]"

Some of them are just ridiculous: "Hair that has that big lump at the front of it [eh, that'd be a quiff to you and I]... when hair is like this [another helpful gesture, this time indicating a half up/half down 'do with the front of hair being pulled back from the forehead and clipped at the crown]... um, that [staring pointedly at my jewel-green eyeshadow]... black nail varnish... dead hands nail varnish [beige and pale brown or grey colours.]"

And, eh, some of them are not even beauty-related. "Leggings... dresses with leggings or trousers under them... and I don't like the feel of tights [this delivered a bit despondently.]"

Pfft. Bit unfortunate for him that he's going out with a bird who loves them, so.

Is your bloke mystified by any of your beauty habits?