Spa etiquette: what happens when it goes wrong. And can you keep your bra on?

"IS THIS THE RELAXATION ROOM?"

I was rudely jolted from my post facial induced snooze.

"Sorry... what?" I said, completely disoriented.

"IS IT THE RELAXATION ROOM? WHY ARE YIS ALL IN THOSE DRESSING GOWN THINGS? WHERE WILL I PUT MY UMBRELLA?"

My friend struggled to her senses, on her lounger, confused, rubbing sleep from her eyes. Well she had just had a 90 minute massage.

"What's wrong?" she asked the woman who stood wildly in the centre of the room shouting at us.

"I'm here for a back massage - but whats going on? They told me to come to the relaxation room - is this it? Do I have to get out of my clothes?". (Still shouting but I'm not doing any more caps for a while, you get the drift.)

Yes, we explained and asked if she'd a key to her locker where she could get a robe and then er relax while she waited for her therapist.

"Fecks sake, I'm not getting into one of those yokes! DO I HAVE TO STRIP? WELL DO I??"

Er, not if you don't want, we said. "BUT CAN I KEEP MY BRA AND PANTS ON?" she shouted getting more and more irritated and irate. The more we tried to explain the more she ignored us and kept asking us the same things over and over.

Now irrevocably awake I hurried to hide in a changing room until she was led away. As I got dressed and zipped up my boots I could hear "BUT DO I HAVE TO TAKE OFF MY BRA?" and "WHAT ABOUT MY UMBRELLA?" fading down the corridors.

It can be really confusing when someone is new to the whole spa or salon thing like this crazed lady. It's like there are loads of unwritten rules. For example:
1. Thou shall not speak in tones louder than a hushed whisper
2. Thou is not to worry about the taking off/leaving on of ones bra. You can do whichever you like. No one will wrest said bra off you.
3. Thou shall realise that thou is in a sacred space of relaxation
4. Thou must fully submit to the relaxation
5. Thou must realise that others have fully submitted to the relaxation and thusly must not shout at them while they are asleep.
6. It is unlikely that anyone will run off with your umbrella.

Have you got any others? Or any boo boos you've made while in the salon?