Moose Knuckles, Manginas and other unnamed horrors: men put it all out there

UPDATE: A LOAD OF BOLLOCKS

Don't know WHAT category this horror falls into. Can anyone come up with a collective noun?
UPDATE: thank you Sabrina for the new collective noun 

We went a bit  crotch crazy around Valentines Day laughing and spluttering about the various indignities that can be suffered upon the hoo-ha area.

Read about dyeing your love button pink; the debate about whether everyone is REALLY getting it all waxed off and how to prevent camel toe by sticking a piece of plastic down your knickers.

But we stayed very quiet on the subject of men and THEIR private areas!  Thought we forgot?  Never!

So lets have a little look at Moose Knuckle.  It's the male equivalent of Camel Toe: here's the definition from Urban Dictionary:

"Usually caused by the seam of tight but thin leg wear such as spandex, the testicles and penis form two bulges on opposite sides of the seam that vaguely resembles the hoof, or "knuckle" of a moose."

Tight trousers or spandex cause Moose knuckle or "visible splitting of the ball bag."  So sports men, musicians and those particularly attached to tight trousers will be affected.

An early example

Nut huggers, ball crushers, whatever you call them: Russell Brand's got them all in his wardrobe.  And let's not even get into his legging habit.

Another unexplained phenomenon usually spotted on athletes is the Mangina.  Everything seems squished and squashed under layers of lyrca, jock straps and then cruelly split up the middle to resemble nothing less than a very large and clearly defined ... vagina.

(Said in sleazy voice) "Ladies, come admire ze mangina..."

I just fear for the future of the human race.  Don't any of these men want children?

It's horrible when you spot something like this in real life - YOU JUST CAN'T TAKE YOUR EYES OFF IT.  It's terrible, it is as though you are simultaneously repelled and yet grotesquely fascinated by the sight of THE BALLS appearing in an everyday setting where they have no business being.

Spotted a good example - tell us about it!

sports images via buzzfeed.com