Halloween Costumes: Yeeeaahh, it's Jackie

Since so many of you liked Mrs Stallone's makeup so much I felt it was only fair to treat you to a step by step guide to achieving such magnificence yourselves. This one is a bit more labour intensive than the other gorgeous looks I've shown you so far, and really, to do justice to it you'd ideally need decades of ill treatment towards your skin, lots of sun exposure, bad plastic surgery and too much time spent worrying about Sylvester. However - you can cheat. Simply have loads of botox and dermal fillers, making sure the person you get them from hasn't a breeze what they're doing. That ought to sort out the demented wonky face and puffer fish lips part of this look anyway. To achieve the crazed nose, mould some mala into a squashed sort of lump, and slap on the end of your hooter.

Now, onto the makeup. I don't think actual makeup is going to cut it to be honest. So what I suggest is spraying some emulsion paint onto your face (with a good base of Pollyfilla on there first) and then getting a thick felt tip pen and drawing on some unlikely looking eyebrows. Then draw around your eyes - do it badly, so they look even more skewiff than they actually are. Now get two pieces of liver, and afix them to your face in an approximation of where your lips would be. Don't worry about teeth, it doesn't look like Jackie has any.

To finish, jump into a furze bush to achieve that delighfully tousled hair, arrange your face into an expression of confusion and dementia, and pray the wind doesn't change and leave you like that.