Black vibrator falls out of bag at wedding

It fell out of my bag and went skidding across the floor in the middle of the speeches.

There was an audible gasp - I'm not joking

"What is THAT?" people were whispering. "Is that a..?"

"No!" I hissed to the table of sniggering wedding guests. "It's a hair straightener. A cordless one."

Everyone had a few dozen drinks on board at that stage.

"Haha no one believes you" laughed a guy at my table. An old friend and a major smartarse.

"It's a drizzly day and I was afraid of frizz," I whispered to the girl beside me. She patted my hand sympathetically.

I had to spend the rest of the wedding straightening the curly hair of random guys to prove that that was indeed the function of the black object. Oh everyone had a great old laugh

But listen now and listen good. Never ever transport a cordless straightener in a clutch bag with a dodgy snap fastening. Or you'll be so sorry