Ask & You Shall Receive: Wonder Potions

I got an email from a lady last week who seeks a wonder-potion to reverse all signs of sagging.
"I have been eagerly awaiting a 'do it all' cream. I have lost weight recently and am suffering from sagging. Added to the sagging are the wrinkles and the onset of age spots and lack of sparkle. Is there a cream out there that covers it all?", she asked us. But it's not even so simple as that - this gal doesn't want to pay much either. It has to be in Olay price range.

Sigh, I was stumped.

Nothing bar surgery will have an effect on serious sags, lines and wrinkles in my opinion, and potions with active ingredients that work well - like Dr ranges - are nearly always on the very expensive side. RoC do good Retinol products at decent prices, so this could be an option. But apart from that, I'm out of ideas. The only thing I can think of is that yoke there on the left - the trusty magic wand.

So, I'm turning the question to the floor - gals, is there anything you know of barring surgery and Strivectin that will aid our damsel in distress?