Ah this is desperate. Fekkai for Vera Wang. Really? REALLY??

Oh goodie I thought when an email soared into my inbox proclaiming the latest groundbreaking 'do Frederick Fekkai had created for the Vera Wang show at New York Fashion Week.

This will be something special I promised myself, curling up on the sofa with Cosmo Cat and a nice cup of tea.  Maybe... just maybe I could have a go at it myself?

Well.  It turns out I have been having a go at it for years.  Accidentally.  And in the way that makes you shriek with despair and beg a hairdresser to "do something!  Just do SOMETHING! ANYTHING!"

Look at the bleedin state of it.  And the poor model.  I long to rush towards her with a blusher brush and a nice lipstick.  She looks so miserable - and so would I if I had that hairdo.

Loads of instructions - tons of them - accompanied the pix of this "turban inspired dry up-do.  A poetic recreation of a weathered style".  Mousse, hairspray, backcombing bla de bla.  It went on for paragraphs.

Well here's my instructions.  Overuse your straightners.  Get far too many highlights and dry up your hair.  Bundle the whole lot up into clips and then hit the sack.  Wake up in the morning and don't even attempt to fix your hair.  Don't put on any makeup and hit the runway.

Simple. Now that will be $25,000 please Vera Wang.