Feck Volcanos: Sure Isn't Our Skin Far More Important, eh?

The airports are closed, the Icelanders are fecked and a cloud of poisonous volcanic ash is drifting eastwards across northern Europe, causing all manner of havoc and headaches, so of course a few bright-spark beauty PRs, ever on the ball, walloped out some 'timely' emails yesterday to capitalise on a scary geographical event which they reckon they can use to wangle a bit of currency for their client.

Can you see my frowny brow from here? No? Oh, well that'll be the Botox, so.

Now, having watched a volcano movie or 45 in my time - not to mention my childhood obsession with Surtsey and all those Willard Price books I wolfed down as a nipper (the bombing of Hilo! Who's with me?)  - I am a Veritable Expert in all things errupty. This may come as a surprise to some of you, but a high-factor facial cream won't do a jot of good when you're knee-deep in a lava flow, so feck off touting your SPF30 as a cure for crust-displacement theory.

Neither, funnily enough, will antioxidants be frig all use if a pyroclastic cloud is descending at great speed towards you. And should a massive geyser of molton rock  erupt right in front of your prettily made-up face, it won't matter a jot that your lips match that red-hot liquid shade-for-shade. BECAUSE YOU'LL BE TOAST.

In summary, beauty companies, please cop on.

But how would you prefer to spend the duration of this current volcanic set-to?

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