smoking worries

[Cupcake20]

Can someone help please?,
I have a funny feeling my boyfriend has starting smoking. I found him smoking at my birthday party, he was sneaking around and i followed him and he shoved the cigarette into his friends hand. He says he likes the taste of it when hes been drinking. Now hes working in a kitchen (as a chef) and I know from working as a waitress that the only breaks chefs get is a smoking break, and other chefs he works with smoke.
I saw him with a lighter and he said it was for lighting the gas in work in the mornings when hes working breakfast, but then he said he bought a pack of 5 lighters.
I know I may seem like i don't trust him but he kept the fact that he smoked while drinking from me for 6 months so I'm kinda worried he's keeping this from me as he knows I hate it and hes also lied about it when i asked if he ever tried it.
He says this isn't a big deal and he didn't see the need to tell me that he smoked but both our fathers smoke and both of them had heart attacks in the space of 3 months of each other.
I'm worried that hes smoking and i really don't know what to do about it. its giving such a sick feeling and i'm worried that he thinks it isn't a big deal but after 4 ans a half years together i think it is a big deal. and I don't want to be with an ash tray.
please, does any one have any advice? Am I making a big deal over this?

P.S. I cant ask him straight out because hes living in England on a work placement and I don't want to start a fight over skype.

[lauralou]

Hi cupcake!

We've all gone through someone we know smoking, it was me for my boyfriend! I think you need to just let it go til he gets home from England cos theres nothing worse than a fight when you cant really properly talk it out.
For your boyfriend sneaking around that is childish on his part, if he chooses to smoke he should tell you.

Whenever he's home sit down and have a talk with him about it, nothing will be solved if you dont. Ask him straight and if he is, he just needs to look around at his family to see the consequences from it.

Try not get worked up about it when he's not around, you can't do anything about it and you'l just make youself sick with worry, just try relax and wait 'til he's home

HTH!

[collegeblonde]

I am a smoker so here's my 2 cents worth...
I would be more upset about the lies than the smoking itself. If he is smoking, it is EXTREMELY addictive... as in I have chased my sister around the house 6 times to get my cigarettes back... not proud of it and if any smoker tells you they have never reacted irrational for a fag they are lying haha.

So if it was me I would sit him down when he was home and there was no distractions and ask him calmly if he is smoking and that you would prefer he was smoking rather than lying about it. If he is and your not happy then suggest you give up something you addicted to as well e.g. chocolate, even better alcohol. Otherwise it might end up in a fight... I have a previous experience of this kind of fight where the other half wanted off fags but I wanted him off drink in return therefore its a balance. Hope this helps. I am still trying to get off them they are a horrible addiction!