self esteem and get up and go ideas??

[em-j]

Morning Ladies,

I had been putting off asking this for a while, but i thought who better to ask than the wonderful beaut.ies

To cut a long story short amongst other things i became ill in June, and have had to take some time off work. Obviously financially this has been tough but something that i didn't forsee has happened. My self confidence has hit an all time low. I used to always have an outfit picked out even if i was just going for a walk or staying at home. I always wore a bit of makeup and loved playing and creating new looks. Now my makeup and clothes are just sitting there gathering dust and it has got to the point that i just don't know where to start again. All i want to do is wear baggy trackies, something i barely ever would have worn. My poor other half too, he can't get his head around it at all. It has hit the point that i can barely look in the mirror anymore. Incidentally at the same time i am going to a psychologist to treat my post traumatic stress disorder and flashbacks, she has said that this is normal but didn't say anything about how to get out of this funk.

I was just wondering if any of you lovely ladies would have any tips for how to get my get up and go and confidence back. Any ideas at all welcome bearing in mind that they need to be really cheap!

Thanks
xx

[celj]

I don't mean to sound like an after school special here:

I ain't no life coach.....

but for me when I felt a bit low in life one thing that helped me was trying to think positive.
Don't put pressure on yourself to feel a certain way. Think of the good things. Have family or friends call over. Share a joke or two.

Acknowledge that it's ok to feel this way, but also be aware that you are strong enough to over come it.

Get out go for walks.
Hold your head up high.
Try eating some fresh fruit and veg (you notice the difference when you eat healthy). And pick food that you also enjoy!

Don't worry about things that are beyond your control.
The things that you can fix, well fix them.

Tell yourself that you are worth the effort.

because you are.

..................

[em-j]

Thanks celj

I have been trying but in some ways i feel like i am lying to myself. I have no contact with my family since i was young, and my other half has had an awful year.With my job been so crazy i lost contact with most of my friends as well. I am trying to eat as will as i can, i eat loads of veggies

I have been out walking the doggy, but your totally right, i need to hold my head up high. My posture is just horrific

I just really wish i could start feeling and looking a bit better. I just don't feel like myself anymore. i want to be putting on makeup and dressing up but i need to almost spend the morning convincing myself to do it! and then after all that wimping out.

Thank you for reminding me that i am worth the effort. i needed to hear that.

thanks again

[celj]

You'll start looking and feeling better when you are ready to.

it must come from within.

Remind yourself everyday that you're worth it. Your otherhalf im sure loves you, there's a reason why he's still with you. He thinks you are worth it. Don't you trust his judgement?

It's just a rough patch. Believe in yourself as a person. One day you'll be back to your old self.
Do you do anything productive with your day? Do you do anything fun?

[em-j]

I hope so it just feels like it has been going on so long. I want to be that person who always looked for the excuse to dress up/make effort.

I just feel like a failure of a person even though deep down i know i am not and been sick etc is not my fault.

My other half loves me to bits, as do i him, but he is very frustrated that im not myself. He has had an awful year with the death of his mum last Christmas so that's adding to things i guess

I go horseriding most days, it's great fun but not conducive to feeling pretty lol. usually end up covered from head to to in mud. I also do a little study to keep myself ticking over, and then clean/ make dinner.

I really wish i had more friends, but i am too worried about what people might think of me to make new ones.

[celj]

first of all

you're not a failure of a person.

don't be silly.

like i said you're going through a rough patch.

and the anniversary of his mum this christmas isn't going to be easy to get through.

change the way you think and this should hopefully have a knock on effect. Is there anyone in work that you get on with?

[em-j]

I am not in work at the moment, am not allowed because of ill health, i am due to start back in January hopefully. I miss my friends, but due to the bad hours and conditions most of them have emigrated this yr to oz/new zealand.

I feel so useless without a job, i was the provider of the house since simon went back to college and now im not even doing that, let alone been the fiance he deserves.

I really am trying to cheer up and look at myself better but really struggling to see things improving. Really just want a new me !

[danekawilson]

hey hun so sorry ur feeling low but all i can say is tough times dont last- tough people do. this will make u stronger just dont be hard on yourself xx

[misscosm]

Hi em-j: so sorry to hear about the glooms.
I'm surprised anti-depressants haven't been proposed....you describe classic symptoms that would make a GP suggest a short course, to lift you out of the rut, stand you up straight again...and then you are able to keep walking yourself.
If you are dead set against medication, consider St John's Wort....for mild depression it is super-effective...talk to the GP, it's available on scrip too.
It's not that the depression will not lift without intervention, but I think half the benefit comes from feeling that by taking the problem and getting a remedy for it, one believes it WILL get better, and this in turn gives you a lift.

Do see a GP...even talking it out, away from the psychoanalysis, is a good thing.

Best wishes to you

[CBB]

Em-j you poor thing, sounds like a really tough time. I'm assuming you are doing whatever medically you need to get better as I'm def no expert there! Would it help to write a list of things you could do and work through them as you feel able - eg start with getting your hair cut, with one of the hairdressing schools you should be able to get it done cheaply. Then maybe hide the trackies. Would you lay out some clothes in the evening so you can put them on without much thought? Then try and paint your nails or some makeup. Small steps. Main thing is to get yourself better and to be very nice to yourself.