Nuts roasting on an open fire… unlikely underpants promo

Thursday, November 12th, 2009

jocks

Annnnd this week’s Bonkers Email prize goes to… Equmen

In a missive so packed with smut that even I sat up and took notice, we were promised that these underpants would Wrap ‘The Package’ Properly this Christmas; that we could deck the halls with balls; and let those nuts roast away on an open fire.

Sounds painful. His sex would really be on fire eh?

Furthermore body temperature will be controlled to keep “the boys” at optimal temperature and - this is the worst bit - moisture will be “managed.”

Ewwwwwww.

We had a look at these yokes before, but these belly busting man-spanx merchants have returned to our inboxes with this new pitch. These jocks promise to trim away three inches from any manly torso too. Is there nothing they can’t do?

So tell me: is this something you’ll be slipping into his stocking?

Tags: equmen, horrible beauty, Spanx
Posted in For Men | 8 Comments »

Marks out of ten for Andres Velencoso for Chanel Allure Homme Sport if you please

Wednesday, November 11th, 2009

andres-velencoso

We like our fragrance campaigns here at Beaut.ie - particularly when they feature hot men. And luckily for us they always feature hot men!

From this poll where you rated your top fragrance hunk to my personal favourites Johnathon Rhys Myers, Josh Holloway , David Gandy and Henry Cavil, it seems we’ve picked up quite a bit of er expertise on this particular issue. If expertise is another word for obsessively watching the heart racingly gorgeous one on You Tube .

All I want to know from you is how highly you rate Andres Velencoso as the face of Allure Homme Sport - marks out of ten!

Tags: Chanel, fragrance for men
Posted in For Men, Lotions, Potions & Scent | 16 Comments »

Man Flu season open

Monday, November 2nd, 2009

istock_000004812091xsmall

Man flu visited my home this weekend.

And it was a terrible terrible thing. It began with a “bit of a scratchy throat” and progressed to “itchy eyes”. Then things went rapidly downhill. There was coughing, there was sneezing, there was a lot of shivering and suffering and there was an inability to answer the door to any Halloween callers. How selfish of me to think that was a bit convenient.

Thankfully a brief rallying period was brought on by a visit of another male and the quaffing of several bottles of Schofferhofer (obscure beer from Aldi, pronouced very good indeed). However things once more deteriorated after this, leading to a night of heavy snoring. Refusal to take any cough mixture or paracetamol to relieve symptom, despite loudly voiced misery, was typical of this patient and therefore not unexpected.

Morning led to a worsening of symptoms and bed could only be breached by the aroma of bacon and toast. Suggestion of coming with me shoe shopping led to severe relapse. Suggestion that perhaps a shower might help patient feel better, scorned. Duvet is all that can alleviate the misery.

All we can do now is pray.

How do you cope with Man Flu?

Tags: For Men, man flu
Posted in Diet & Wellbeing, For Men | 19 Comments »

Redken For Men Color Camo: Would Your Fella Use It?

Friday, October 16th, 2009

camo

The L’Oreal group recently positioned itself at the helm of dye-novation with the launch of Inoa, and one of its companies, Redken, has also announced some groundbreaking news: its in-salon dye offering for men, Color Camo, is now better than ever. Originally launched in 2004, it “has been updated with the latest technology, improved processing time and cooler tonality.”

I am not *quite* sure why fellas need their own, special hair colour (and we’d hardly deny them it considering the delicious amount of products littering the market aimed at us females) but we know they do. We know this mostly because of advertising. If daddy doesn’t dye that gruaig quick-smart, two little girls are going to remain motherless, hadn’t you heard? Or how about Touch of Grey? It’s not DYE, God forbid. It’s something to help you get ahead at work and have sexy interview ladies want to unbutton their shirts and take off their specs.

I don’t quite get those ads as they’re working off a premise that doesn’t seem to be true. While I realise I’m looking at this from a completely hetero perspective, so I could well be barking up the wrong demographic’s tree, it’s been my experience that women like salt and pepper hair on men - I know I do - but according to Redken research, 32% of men experiencing hair greying feel it makes them look older.

Colour Camo costs from €20, works in as little as five minutes and comes in six shades. He’ll find it at Redken salons now, but what I want to know is this: would your fella get Color Camo’d?

Tags: For Men, hair-dye, Redken
Posted in For Men, Hair & Hair Removal | 12 Comments »

Biore is Back: Who Knew?

Thursday, October 15th, 2009

biore

Remember when we were all brought face-to-face with our blackheads via the modern power of Biore Pore Strips? Well, just in case you thought they were only available at a cut-price from Lidl these days, let me disabuse you. 2009 has brought social-newtorkin’ ‘n online campaignin’ powers to the brand courtesy of their Dirty Little Secret campaign on Twitter. Biore is back, baby, and is, um … exactly the same as it was the last time I checked it out.

As always, these yokes don’t do much for me personally. Men and teenagers are the target market, and if you want to bag a box, then they’re under a tenner at pharmacies and supermarkets. But here’s the question: will you be buying?

Tags: Biore, blackheads, For Men, pores, Skincare
Posted in For Men, Skincare | 16 Comments »

Oh Me Oh My: Tom Ford Grey Vetiver

Tuesday, October 13th, 2009

bottle-shot-final

Lets not beat about the bush here: fragrance for men tends to be at the discretion of the giver. And by ‘discretion’, I mean olfactory preferences. If I don’t like it, he don’t wear it, is the unspoken rule in our gaff. After all, I am the bringer of the booty and the distributor of samples, so if one crosses my desk I don’t want to nuzzle off his neck, it gets passed onto the willing legion of happy testers.

There is, however, abso-bloody-loutely no way anyone is getting their grubby mitts on Tom Ford’s new offering, Grey Vetiver. I love this man - so does Aphrodite. I am the proud possessor of a treasured pair of his sunglasses and a regular White Patchouli wearer. Himself uses the original Tom Ford for men on a regular basis and grunts his approval of its un-apologetically sexy ways.”Yeah, I like it,” he has causally commented. This is like the Worlds Highest Praise for a man-product, believe me.

Grey Vetiver is lighter, fresher and more green. Oh that’ll be the vetiver, so. It’s also got orange flower and grapefruit, sitting on a base of orris and warm amber woods. So it wears really nicely and is just the ticket for a guy who’s bored rigid by regular department store offerings.

As always Tom himself gets the chest rug out for the ad campaign, so really, everyone’s happy. Himself gets a new posh bottle of juice, I get to smell its delicious ways AND admire Mr Ford: truly this is a gift that keeps on giving.

Grey Vetiver will be available from 2nd November at Brown Thomas Dublin for €60.

Tags: aftershave, For Men, fragrance, tom ford
Posted in For Men, Lotions, Potions & Scent | 13 Comments »

Look into my eyes: breast enlargement is all in the mind. WTF?

Tuesday, October 13th, 2009

shazam

Alakazam! By the power of your mind alone you WILL go from a B to a DD cup!

Yes hypnosis can make your boobs grow, didn’t you know? And there’s a plethora of mind benders willing to sell you CDs and give you “advice” over the Internet to make it happen for you. Why it sounds so simple.

One such site claims that: All the genetic and environmental factors that influenced the growth of your breasts are also part of the blueprint your hold in your subconscious mind. With the help of hypnosis you can effortlessly change this blueprint. You can impress the image of the breasts you desire upon your subconscious and watch your breasts gradually become just the way you want them.

So in other words - all that happened when you were growing up was not longing for big huge baps hard enough. You must now unlock the power of your subconscious by buying subliminal CDs and they’ll start to grow again. Bingo.

Now I’ll OMG with the best of them (totally ironic roysh), but when I heard about boob hypnosis there really was only one succinct summation of my thoughts and that was of course: FFS.

I’m not a huge fan of Interweb type abbreviations but I can see that they have their uses. Narrowly missing out on a highly prized LOL tshirt at the Web Awards on Saturday, Rick kindly threw me a ROTFL emblazoned one instead. Hurrah!

So now tell us. Are you tempted to start growing big bosoms through mind power - or are you thinking FFS

Tags: boobs, breast enlargement hypnosis, crazy beauty, hypnosis
Posted in For Men, Hands, Body & Feet, Polls | 10 Comments »

Who Knew He Could Be Eww? Daniel Craig Does Facial Hair, Upsets Me Muchly

Tuesday, October 6th, 2009

daniel craig

I know that Daniel Craig in contemplative pouty mode or action man pouty mode or emerging from the sea in little blue hotpants pouty mode are images that many Beaut.ies hold close to their hearts. They are images that make the Daniel fans among us go a bit weak at the knees and maybe use slooooow playback mode for that emerging from the sea scene.

One image that I reckon we won’t be clinging on to too strongly is Daniel Craig with some… um, interesting facial decoration. His upper lip has, of late, been sporting a wiry-looking bum fluff moustache that I for one am not finding appealling in the slightest.

What do you think of his new look?

Tags: daniel craig, fine things, moustache
Posted in Celebrity Watch, For Men, Polls | 20 Comments »

Legs Akimbo in the Alpen “Aerobics” Ad. You know how good it is

Wednesday, September 30th, 2009

Ah we all know by now that we should be eating brekkie. And although Alpen is crammed to the gills with added sugar and is not a very wise breakfast choice at all, it seems to have become instantly more palatable to a whole new generation of men.

For on the telly, in heavy rotation, five gorgeous knicker clad girls overlooking a lake are doing suggestive Aerobics whilst clutching bowls of Alpen. As you do.

Why it’s enough to make a red blooded man choke on the biscuit he’s dunking into his tea as he sits innocently waiting for X Factor to resume. Cough cough went the husband. “Haha” I said, “I was wondering when you’d see that ad”.

“What do you mean?” he pretended. “Oh the Alpen thing, God I hardly noticed it. But now that you mention it… it is very er sexy for a cereal ad”.

Now that I mention it eh? As soon as I hear the slightly sleazy music start up now I make sure to tell him “Your ad is on”.

(By the way Alpen the inclusion of the men at the end is no cigar. For effective comparison they would need to be shirtless and doing, I don’t know press ups or something. Not stupid waist stretching exercises).

Tags: alpen, breakfast, sailing close to the wind
Posted in Diet & Wellbeing, For Men | 23 Comments »

Tom Ford: you total and utter ride

Thursday, September 24th, 2009

tom-ford-sexy-beast

“Smell this!” said the Bliss lady in BT the other day. “It’s our new scrub”.

“Mmmm yummy” I agreed half heartedly.

The world of cute citrussy smelling girlie delights (even new ones) had faded into insignificance. I was unable to concentrate, as all my senses were overtaken by the huge sexy pictures of Tom Ford nearby.

“Haha” said Kirstie. “I know what you’re looking at. Absolute sexy beast isn’t he?”

“Why yes” I said (or words to that effect). We headed over to peruse the fragrances - which are pretty damn sexy themselves. “Ooooh imagine this on himself?” said Kirstie holding up another stylish black glass bottle for us both to have a sniff. “Pity we can’t bottle him, wha’?”

I know the slogan “Tom Ford for men” says it all - but that’s no reason why we can’t give him the adoration he deserves And this famous story cracks me up every time:

Years ago, when Tom Ford was creative director at Gucci, he spotted Victoria Beckham out and about wearing some of his designs. Worried about the negative effect that this could have on the brand, he allegedly called his London PR and demanded to know who was responsible for putting Posh into the outfit.

The PR told him that she had bought the clothes at full price at the Gucci shop. Ford is reported to have screeched: “Well, somebody stop her!”

Tags: tom ford, unrequited love
Posted in Celebrity Watch, For Men, Lotions, Potions & Scent | 35 Comments »