They see me coming you know, I'm sure of it. I must have sucker written all over my face.
Last Sunday Achilles and I were strolling through our nearby shopping centre when I spotted a stand I hadn't seen before. It seemed to be full of products. Beauty products! No sooner had I clocked it then a salesgirl darted out to implore in an exotic foreign accent "Madame, I show you something amazing for your nails! You like to be amazed?"
"Uh uh" I said, shaking my head.
"No she doesn't" Achilles said firmly.
But it was too late. As if pulled by an invisible force I followed to the stand where along with half a dozen other willing victims my nails were buffed and polished and oiled and creamed. At every stage I agreed that this was the most amazing transformation I had ever seen - well it was pretty good. I agreed to buy the set, which I didn't want or need AT ALL.
Worse was to come. "For you, because your hands so beautiful I do special price. I give you set for €30 - it ees worth €40 and now I show you something else AMAZING!" It was a salt scrub - albeit a very nice one. My resolve was firm: I would have the nail set and no more.
At this point Achilles emerged from nearby Marks & Spencer where he had bolted to buy a shirt for work. His eyes widened in horror when he saw me still engaged in product trials.
"Ahhhhhh" said the girl "Husband, yes?" Yes I said. She went into sales and flattery overdrive.
"You are a lucky, lucky man to have such a beautiful wife. I show her this AMAZING masque now!"
I protested half heartedly. She tried out the scrub and then the masque on one of my hands to show me the AMAZING difference. We agreed it was amazing. Slightly dazed Achilles said "Oh go on then we'll have the lot" and forked out far too much money.
"Come on" he said, desperate to escape. "We have to go, we'll be late for lunch."
Later on, over the roast beef and pinot grigio in a local restaurant, I asked the assembled family members if they could tell which hand had received the amazing transformation which had so dazzled myself and Achilles earlier. (I had been secretly admiring and comparing my newly beautiful hand during lunch.) Of the six present, three guessed right and three guessed wrong.
There's one born every minute eh?
