While at a wedding earlier this week, I had just come off the dancefloor and noticed an odd pain in my hand. I was wearing a particularly big, particularly deadly but quite heavy silver ring and managed to wallop it off the finger beside the one I was wearing it on. I think I did the damage while jumping up and down a bit too enthusiastically to Sabotage by the Beastie Boys. There was a sore red mark just above my knuckle on the night, but since then it’s developed into a massive bruise on my hand. My penchant for huge rings has finally bitten me in the ass, as I’ve managed to injure myself with my own jewellery.
Of course, the fact that I bruise like a peach with a vitamin deficiency certainly doesn’t help matters and I usually have a small yellow mark or two somewhere around either knee at any given time, thanks to sneaky table edges.
Last October brought my worst injury so far though, as I managed to fracture my ankle by wobbling over a bit. It was pathetic. I wound up in a leg cast for six weeks and didn’t even have a good story to go with it. I tried to fabricate some more exciting reason for my injury, involving hot air balloons or ice cream trucks, but I always ended up feebly admitting that I was foiled by a bit of very slightly uneven footpath. Although some people sympathised by telling me how they sprained their ankle by standing up suddenly, which made me feel a bit better.
By the by, something I learned since then and certainly didn’t expect was that putting pictures of my banjaxed leg on Twitter would lead to cast fetish accounts favouriting and retweeting the photos, and asking me to get in contact with them. So maybe just keep that in mind if you ever end up with a fracture or break and feel the urge to tweet pictures, because you may end up in someone’s spank bank.
So, please tell me I’m not alone with my pathetic reasons for fractures and bruises! Have you ever had any ridiculous injuries? Did you at least get a halfway decent story out of it?
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