Yes, that’s Nicole Richie – in 2003′s The Simple Life
Y’know those pieces in magazines where celebrities are asked what their fashion disasters are? You know, where Victoria Beckham confesses to having worn dungarees to school, or Fearne Cotton admits that she used to wear dresses over trousers. Well, let’s face it: we’ve all been there – being stylish is hard and knowing when a trend is just too trendy is harder still.
My personal worst moment was a particularly confident period in primary school wherein I sported a pair of light denim dungarees with an orange and white crop top worn underneath them. Thankfully, no photographs exist of this horror (presumably my mother made me change for photo ops), but the shame endures.
Regardless of what your personal faux pas were (and do let us know in the comments!) there was more than one mistake made by us as a society at large – some of which live on, while others languish in the annals of bad fashion history, where they belong. Here are the top five most wretched fashion trends, as I see ‘em (not in order of wretchedness, mind you).
1. Embroidered jeans
Remember a time when jeans just had to have embroidery in some shape or form on them? A strip of Native American embroidery down the side, perhaps, or some floral motifs on the bum. Just: no. Why did we do it to ourselves?! And really, everyone was doing it – I remember a particularly beautiful pair I owned with frayed hems and seam embroidery from Topshop. And take heart – Topshop is doing it again, with this stunning pair, yours for just £65.
2. Popper tracksuit bottoms
These were all the rage in the very late 1990s, with Le Coq Sportif and Kappa being the brands of choice for the cool kids. I desperately wanted a pair but my mother was (quite rightly, sensible woman) dead agin’ it, so I wasted no time borrowing a pair from my roommate in the Gaeltacht one cold, wet and, frankly, miserable summer. I wore them to the céilí, and as quick as I was to pilfer them from my roomie, one of the lads in the Coláiste was just as quick to reach down and tear them off me. A swift popping sound and I was left, quite literally, in my knickers. Mortifying.
3. Super low-rise jeans
I entirely blame Britney for this one; I remember watching her video for Overprotected* and being oh-so confused about what exactly it was that she did with her pubic hair. Where was it? Why was mine so much higher than hers? Let’s face it: hipster jeans really did no one any favours, except, that is, the Britney of yore who did 1,500 sit-ups a day. On another note, can you believe Keira Knightley wore those pubic-bone-skimming jeans to a film premiere? I mean, honestly.
4. Juicy Couture tracksuits
I don’t know how it was that Juicy Couture tracksuits became popular – and even deemed stylish – but I reckon that the UK’s WAGs have a lot to answer for in this regard. I was one of the idiots who wanted a Juicy Couture tracksuit, but couldn’t afford one, although I never stooped so low as to wear a cheap terry-towelling knock-off. Who wants to walk around with Juicy on their arse anyway?! (I did, however, walk around with SUSST on my bot-bot at one point.)
5. “Dressy” backpacks
This is one trend that refuses to die. I imagine a trip to Lourdes to be full of women in cut-off shorts, white vests and leather backpacks (for some reason, perhaps to do with my religious intolerance). I understand small handbags, and I understand backpacks, but together? I draw a blank!
So tell us: what do you think are the world’s worst fashion trends, and which ones are you guilty of buying into?
* Overprotected is, for those of you wondering, the worst possible karaoke choice in the history of bad karaoke choices. Trust me on this one.