Dating Dealbreakers: What Are Your Ultimate TurnOffs?

By Doireann | September 13 2013 | 70 Comments

There has been an absolutely stellar Craigslist personal ad doing the rounds on the interwebs recently. It was written by an almost unbelievably preachy and narcissistic man who’s looking for love, but not just any love; love with a VERY precise type of woman.

ME = A very nice, mature , “gentleman.” with a higher college degree and education. I have my own house (not apartment), car, income, etc. I am of Middle-Eastern descent (Iranian/Persian). A professional man with a GOOD BACKGROUND. Better than 99% of what you will find, GUARANTEE #1.

YOU = Good girl for friendship and romance. You would be treated very well and nobody will treat you better (GUARANTEE #2). HOWEVER IN ORDER FOR THIS TO HAPPEN . . .YOU HAVE TO BE. . . “Worthy,” “Deserving” and “Reciprocate.”

I have no idea how I should interpret those inverted commas. But it made me wonder – what bat-shit criteria do I subconsciously apply to determine whether men are worthy and deserving?


This absolute prince among men lists having children and being over 27 as his deal breakers, before launching into a 28 item FAQ including some complete gems:

Asking questions is fine but “arguing” is NOT attractive. You have a right to disagree BUT if your intention is to “argue,” just do us both a favor and don’t contact me at all. Men, in general, are TURNED-OFF by aggressive or argumentative woman BECAUSE it is characteristic of a traditional “masculine” person and NOT someone feminine. Have you heard of the “Bitch” stereotype? That’s what I mean. When men date the opposite sex they don’t want to feel they are with another man but with a female. If this is your style, please DO NOT contact me because we won’t get along.

This “gentleman” is very VERY clear on what he’s into. He’s also willing to lay it all out there for the world to see, which is erm… very proactive. But I worry when we set these specifications we cut ourselves off from a huge portion of the population.

For those of us without the time and inclination to figure all this out in the form of an epic Craigslist ad, what are the real deal breakers? What traits would entirely put you off another human being?

  • I canvassed my nearest and dearest to ask what stringent criteria they apply to potential partners.
  • The best answers I got were the weirdest most arbitrary things; I have a friend who says she’d never be attracted to a guy who wore sunglasses on that basis that ‘They’re for twats”. Hmmm!
  • Another friend told me a woman had to be able to start a fire to be considered. Innnteresting!
  • Some women say ‘beards’ are their ultimate turn off; guys frequently say ‘fake tan’ or ‘too much makeup’. I think we all secretly have height and age restrictions, don’t we? Almost everyone I asked had something to say on the topic.
  • But I always find when I meet someone and start to fall for them, my list goes out the window. You really can’t control the people you find attractive.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to email a certain “gentleman”.

So do you have any specific deal breakers? And do you think it’s gonna work out with me and this guy!?

Life, Relationships & Sex, WTF , , , , ,

70 Replies to "Dating Dealbreakers: What Are Your Ultimate TurnOffs?"

  • Áine says:

    I’d not heard of the ad, I’m with my BF for nearly a year this time around and I’ve found that he ticks boxes for me I never thought I’d needed to have ticked or didn’t even know existed.

    A person is more than the sum of their parts, so I agree with you Doireann on this one, while you’re looking at turn offs you can rule someone out who could be an excellent match for you. Sounds like this guy is cutting off his nose to spite his face here.

  • Mopofcurls says:

    HEIGHT!! It’s the one thing that I would insist on – six foot mark. As for other attributes, as Aine said all that kind of goes out the window when you fall for someone. Himself is 6’5 :) Besides height, I don’t really think too much about anything else!!

  • Rebelette says:

    I used to say smoking was my number one deal-breaker…but the last two guys I’ve dated were smokers. Though they didn’t really reveal how big of a smoker they were when they met me!

    I know this is silly….but I think that a guy who wears those Moses sandals would be a deal breaker! What a total turn off! I hate feet…and those sandals just give me the creeps! :)

  • Aisling Aisling says:

    Oh my god! I SERIOUSLY hope that guy didn’t get a girlfriend from that ad. What a horrible control freak!

  • Aisling Aisling says:

    Meanness, I hate it. A man who’s mean with money or always moaning about it…

  • Shygirl says:

    Very hairy backs. And he has to have a great sense of humour.

    • Rebelette says:

      Oh yea…hairy backs…and hairy shoulders!!! Ugh! Though I’m not sure if that would put me off someone completely!

      Wow…my list is getting longer already.

      A friend of a friend is online dating at the mo and had organised a date with a guy. Before it he text her to say….”don’t bother wearing make-up for me on the date tonight….I don’t like it when girls wear make-up to try and impress me”!!!!!!!!! What a dope!

      • Áine says:

        What a twit, obviously your friend wants to make a good impression (or would have) but mostly would be making herself look her best for HER! What a tool box. Next please!!

    • EvieM says:

      Ugh, hairy backs, shoulders or chests…yuck. Also dislike men who spend more time in front of the mirror than I do.

  • candi says:

    pot smoker. Non lover of animals. BO.

  • Banjaxed says:

    What I want and what I get are two different things :-). Seriously though, my husband is blond and 6 foot and I never consciously went for that (especially since I’m 5 foot nothing). I’ve always loved dark hair on men but go figure. When you meet somebody and you click – all “rules and requests” go out the window!

    • salsera says:

      Couldn’t agree more. My type has always been skinny, tall rockstar-type with wintry colouring. My husband was 21 stone when I met him, has brown curly hair, and is 5 ft 8 and a half, with soft autumnal colouring. Not at all my usual type.

      (Annoyingly, he has got down to 18 stone since meeting me, just by cooking from scratch more and not eating takeaways, and I’ve put on two stone since meeting him).

      I used to have narrow criteria (has to be 5 ft 10 etc), but I’m just glad other women didn’t take my fella cos he was under 5 10. Women are such height fascists!

      There are three things that are non-negotiable for me, and they’re hard to find together. He must be funny, kind and very intelligent.

      It’s very easy to get two of these, but for me, three is the jackpot. It took me til 38, but I found them in one guy eventually. We got married last year and are happy out.

  • EvieM says:

    Am I the only one that automatically decided he meant blow jobs when he said “reciprocate”??

    Definitely meanness, and they must be tall. Kindness is a must, a good strong pair of shoulders, can’t be doing with sloping shoulders.

  • Debs says:

    When you fall for someone then dealbreakers become, silly things you used to find off-putting! In saying that, I am a tall girl so short guys just don’t do it for me!! 6ft tends to be cut off for me!

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