Comments on: You’ll be next! Should fertility be an off limits topic?

By: MilkyMoo

MilkyMoo — Wed, 25 Jul 2012 12:03:23 +0000

Oh Bunnybun that is just…I have no words… How awful.

A neighbour/friend of mine was asked recently as well “so are congratulations in order?” by another neighbour who gestured toward her belly. No, she isn’t pregnant, just fat left over from having her other kids! And the woman who asked has 5 kids herself so should really know better. It just beggars belief…

By: Bunnybun

Bunnybun — Wed, 25 Jul 2012 11:54:32 +0000

Its sort of like the “are you pregnant?” question when you really don’t know. JUST DON’T DO IT. IT WILL ONLY END BADLY!!!!!!!!
A good friend of mine lost her baby shortly after birth and a week or so afterwards was in a shop. She still had a little (and I mean a very little, less than I have now and I am not preggers ) post pregnancy tummy and was asked when she was due……………..
HORRENDOUS!

By: Bunnybun

Bunnybun — Wed, 25 Jul 2012 11:48:21 +0000

Yeah, this is a crazy touchy one.

I work in a baby factory at the moment and got married last year. We recently went to visit the most recent mama and baby and I looked to hold the baby. The winking and nudging was one thing, but when I was back in work the next day one nosy auld bint shouted at me across the table “WELL BUNNYBUN – DID YOU HOLD THE BABY????”…… Emmmm – yes I did. What are you driving at was my response. Fact is that hubs and I have just started trying to conceive and I am completely irrationally slightly terrified that it might not prove easy for us…….. no reason for this, just good old fashioned pessimism – but Please leave me alone. I am allowed look in the general direction of a small baby without the drama aren’t I?

By: niamhy_dee

niamhy_dee — Wed, 25 Jul 2012 11:25:15 +0000

I would never, ever, EVER ask someone when they are getting married, or when they are having kids. I was in a relationship where he didn’t want marriage/any kind of commitment, and any time someone made a comment about marriage etc. it was so hurtful. It made me realise that you never truly know what is going on in someone’s life. If a friend wants to tell me that they are having problems in their relationship or in their attempts to have children, that is their business. It’s not my job to make them feel guilty/angry/upset by asking stupid/nosey questions.

I personally don’t want kids – have been saying this since I was 15 so it’s nothing new – and plan to start employing the “My therapist recommends that I don’t have children” reply mentioned above. Epic. WIN.

@lille, I wouldn’t darken the door of that church either. Fair play to you.

By: lille

lille — Wed, 25 Jul 2012 10:30:36 +0000

Well about 2.5 years ago I has the priest who married me stop me in the street and ask me was anything stirring yet? Jesus the shame people walking by could hear him. I have low egg supply and subsequently had treatment and now we have a lovely 1 year old boy. But the neck on him.. This was the same fella that when we went to mass with my Mam after the baby was born he was up in the pulpit preaching about how assistance i-e- treatments to get pregnant are morally wrong. Have not been back inside the doors since.. have not christened my Son yet as a result I was just hopping mad and to be honest I do not really feel the need to christen him I would be a total hyprocrite to stand up there ( according to the priest in question!)

By: happycurls

happycurls — Wed, 25 Jul 2012 10:08:15 +0000

Argh!! This is timely; only at the weekend, I had a rant about this very topic. Being in my 30s and in a relationship I get the intrusive baby questions AND the intrusive marriage questions. And the truth is, I do not want to discuss either of those two topics with anyone at all so WHY do people feel like it’s ok to ask? And why do friends, who previously were cool suddenly decide that because it’s what they’re doing, that it’s all of a sudden something that I want too? Sorry for the rant

By: witchgirl26

witchgirl26 — Wed, 25 Jul 2012 10:04:09 +0000

I think questions like that – especially around having kids – are just so intrusive and wrong. The only way I’d discuss it with someone is if they brough it up. I know people who’ve had terrible problems haivng the babies they have now. I did ask my friend about “going again” (although I put it better than that) but that’s coz I knew she’d always said she wanted loads of kids but that was before she had one – it was more a question of “now you have one, do you still want loads?”.

I’ve faced the moving in questions & only been with the bf a year but they’re mainly jokey from people who know us both & basically want us to be a “happy ever after” so I let those ones slide.

I have a friend who recently started on at me & one of the others in our group saying she was hoping we were preggers. She’s past the childbearing age with no kids but she really wanted them. Went off at her saying that while I know I want kids, I don’t want them right now, thanks very much & that I’m not going to have them so she can show pics around etc. Really annoyed me that. It’s one thing asking if your planning – another thing to be wishing a pregnancy on people for your own selfish reasons.

By: V

Wed, 25 Jul 2012 09:46:07 +0000

me and my boyfriend always get asked this its so annoying, most time am in his mothers and if have headache or stomach pains she like ah she pregnant wats wrong this world? do really have to have kids, and you can be great parent at any age, my own father is now in 80′s am only my 20′s he seen us all grow up best dad the world just proves can have kids any age

By: MissNoStars

MissNoStars — Wed, 25 Jul 2012 08:53:36 +0000

Thanks Karen! To be honest I normally bite my tongue and am a lot more polite but I lost the rag on that occasion – I think mainly because the guy in question did not know me AT ALL he had worked with me for about three weeks yet felt compelled to tell me what I would and wouldn’t change my mind about and how I would feel – I don’t think so. Safe to say I think he will never utter that sentence again for fear of woman wrath what also annoyed me is he is a guy and lets face it its the not same is it? He was like oh well I didn’t originally want kids but my daughter is great etc – yes pet but to be fair you didn’t exactly go through pregnancy and birth now did you. besides – no one ever admits that they regret having kids do they its not like they can

By: Deee

Deee — Wed, 25 Jul 2012 06:06:04 +0000

Can i just add that I’m 44 without any children, that when a team member was expecting I was practically kept out of the pregnancy loop even when they had mega problems and ended up in hospital with a life/death situation!!! One person told me to my face that I wasn’t interested! How can they make that decision? Just because I didn’t have any kids of my own. Even though you see these work colleagues more times than your own family, they cannot possibly say they ‘know’ you! Grrrrrr,