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Attack of the Ninja Starfish: What are your weird sleeping habits?

By Kitty | August 16 2012 | 37 Comments

If he didn’t stop snoring soon, Gráinne was getting the hose.

The other night I was woken from my sleep at god-knows-what-hour, there hadn’t been a noise or anything but it didn’t take long to figure out what had disturbed my snoozing. My boyfriend’s hand had somehow ended up on my face, splayed across it like a big dead starfish. I sleepily mumbled at him and his hand to feck off, while shoving his arm away and promptly fell back to sleep. However, the next morning I realised that this was not the first time his wayward hand had snuck up on my unsuspecting sleeping face. Oh no.

There was a previous event like the one I just described, and another occasion on which his hand launched a sneaky surprise attack. He had somehow managed to fall asleep with his arm propped up against the wall and hovering over my head without either of us noticing. Off we dozed, only for me to be woken later on in the night by an aerial assault from the ninja starfish, where his arm fell down and that flipping hand of his landed on my face, scaring the absolute shite out of me. I don’t know why, but his hand has it in for me when we’re asleep.

However, when it comes to sleep habits I’m not exactly free of a bit of weirdness myself. I have been known to laugh in my sleep and apparently I recently punched the air while muttering at someone to eff off. I still have no idea why, perhaps I was dreaming about Shia LaBoeuf’s stupid face. I’m also a divil for stealing the covers on cold nights, somnambulantly wrapping myself up like a toasty little caterpillar while my boyfriend is left with a little triangle of duvet on his arm. Sure isn’t that plenty for him?

So what about you? Does your significant other snore or talk in their sleep? Or maybe they have an Elbow of Doom like mine does, lying in wait behind your head so when you turn around you whack directly into it.

Or are you a sleep talkin’, sleep walkin’, sleep sandwich-makin’ type of person yourself?

Cartoon image via laughingsquid.

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