Jodie Marsh: an example of someone who would be subject to every one of these taxes
Oh dreary day: it's Budget Day #2. To help take the evil sting out of the activities in the economy, Beaut.ie likes to help out as much as it can by suggesting the taxing of various atrocities in our society. In the past we've suggested taxing tanning salons at source and were gratified when the US government took our advice. Never mind the sugar tax: all of the below have been suggested in the past and we suggest slapping a flat tax down on each activity.
Proposed Tax Categories
Nosepicking (look we can SEE you in your car); BO; Coughing without covering your mouth; Uggs; Orange Tan; over-plucked eyebrows; horrible hair extensions; comedy make up; foundation clearly ending at the jawline; orange foundation; troweled on foundation; belly tops with plenty of belly bulging generously twixt jean and top.
Foundation: multiple taxes necessary
We can clearly see that there are so many foundation related taxes that this will have to be developed into a separate category all of its own. Obviously this will necessitate its own junior minister and department to oversee its correct implementation and various quangos and committees to debate points of very minor importance.
Foundation Awareness: the media story
Disturbed by the reputation of Ireland abroad (Irish foundation tidemark is international makeup artist joke) the Irish Government gets behind the tax. Hundreds of staff are hired for the new Department - and of course there are huge associated costs. There will need to be an advertising campaign to needlessly spend much of the revenue garnered by the tax called "Foundation Awareness: know your number". This will tell the sorry tale of foundation overload by expensive advertising on TV and in newspapers and magazines and online.
Advertised
A young girl in a nightclub fasts forward to old age, viewing a life (through the medium of flashback, modeled on Sliding Doors) which could have been much, much better if only she'd read the shade advice before plastering herself with too dark a colour. Set to a techno mix of um The Cranberries the campaign is seen by the public at every opportunity. Continued advertising, PR, Social Media agencies and various consultancies gobble up more money.
Funding the Tax
Of course there is no way to "know your number" as the cosmetic companies all use different numbers. This unanticipated headache means that the tax is impossible to enforce with many challenges to it costing the state an absolute fortune in legal fees. In order to fund the roll out of the tax, going forward, substantial borrowings are required. The IMF agrees to lend us the money at a crippling rate of interest and the foundation awareness tax is so mismanaged that it ends up costing the economy millions a year. But we've started it now: we're in it for the long haul.
Oh well, it was worth a try.
Have you got something you'd like to see taxed? Give us your ideas!
image via digitalspy
